jackassworld

Whenever I draw a photo blank on what to dredge up from the past, I know I can always find something of merit in “The Puppet Show” folder from jackass number two. I don’t know how many stills I’ve spotlighted from that skit since we started these daily droppings, but me, I never tire of them. I’ll double-dip, triple-dip … I don’t give a punk fuck. I’m sure a lot can be said both philosophically and psychologically about this particular image—perhaps even religiously if you take the serpentine lore from the book of Genesis to heart—but none of those heady topics are my particular cup of tea. I mean, feel free to sip tea and mentally stroke your cerebral cortex until it’s good, hot, and hard. It’s just that me myself, I prefer a good stiff shot of laughter to get me through the day. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go sit in the corner and scratch my ass. Maybe I’ll smell my finger, maybe I won’t. That is half the sensory fun, though.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Orlando, FL; 2006)

After the three-toed amphiuma photo the other day, I wondered if there was anything else in the Wildboyz photo archive that surpassed its level of sex appeal. There’s a lot that comes close—real close—but for sheer sexy I’m not so sure that particular shot is topable. Toppable? Topabble? Toppababble? Fuck it, new word time: Topable, something incapable of being surpassed in its extreme level of intimacy no matter which way it is mounted. You can write that in the margin of your pocket Websters or Oxford dictionary later. Anyway, perhaps “top-offable” would be a more proper usage in this “Bend over, boy!” or “Fill ‘er up!” sense, but in rooting about I did run across this shot of the two all twixt up in a heated game of “Gator Twister”. In some way I suppose it is even more uncomfortable than the amphiuma examination, if only by the addition of teeth to the mix, but that’s just what makes the Wildboyz outstanding in their field. Where exactly that field is located, I still have no idea, but that’s generally how it goes with pioneers and tough love.

(photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; Louisiana; 2004)

I snapped this photo of Ms. Shanna Zablow sitting in her “big girl” seat at Dickhouse Entertainment. It kind of reminds me of Jack and the Beanstalk when the little boy climbed up in the giant’s chair. His little feet couldn’t touch the ground either. I took this one night in the office when Shanna ordered a bunch of beer and we all watched the World Series. Notice her Yankees cap barely peeking over the computer and the sweet Sarah Green pictures behind her on the wall.

Anyway, the second photo is my favorite cuz, first of all it’s in focus and also you get to see her tiny elfin Adidas dangling in the air light years from the floor, stage left from that monster-sized gold lame handbag. And just for the record I was trying spell lame like ‘chimay’ not lame like ‘tame’. So there.

Knoxville

(photos by Johnny Knoxville; Hollywood, CA; 2009)