Part 2:

Part 3:

Here’s the one that everyone has been waiting for with baited breath and that funny tickle you get in your butt when sexy talk is made. For those who missed out on the live show last week, here’s the recap in brief: the Purple Pony’s usual host, Shanna, was out-of-town attending to Jeff Tremaine’s wanton wants and needs in the field. In lieu of her lovely presence, Chris Pontius was kind enough to step up and fill her sizable bra by fielding questions from the community about the complicated and messier aspects of sex, love, and relationships. (more…)

Even though the 4th of July is a predominantly American affair, there isn’t a nation in the world—yes, even England—that can’t appreciate the bold, beautiful, and patriotic undertones of a good bald eagle.

Seven years today (or at least I think it was on the 4th of July because it sure as shit felt like it), I stood in a parking lot just across from our studio space in Hollywood waiting for Steve-O to go up in a hail of who knows what. Strapped in bandoleers of firecrackers like a Mexican pyro-bandito, he was filming a series of fireworks-oriented bits for his first foray into the self-produced DVD world and this particular stunt involved situating himself at the center of an all-out explosive inferno. All I can say is it sure beat the hell out of any fireworks displays I’d ever seen before.

In preparation for the red, white, and blue fiesta known as the 4th of July here in the US of A, we discovered that Steve-O’s “Stilt Fall” follies from the old jackass television show never made it online with everything else when it was supposed to. Granted, there was that god awful and untimely crash that happened the night of the 24-hour takeover, but I don’t think this file went missing in the process then. (more…)

Growing up you always heard that yang about cows jumping over the moon and shit, but who would’ve ever believed it. But, given the fact the promiscuous fork did run off with a slutty spoon to sire the bastard ass spork, I probably should’ve known better. Frankly, we were all still a bit surprised to see this bull take to the skies while filming the opening to jackass number two, but I’ll just chalk this ability up to their purely demonic nature. This one was so evil that while leaping over this garbage container it even managed to kick a hoof down to pop Dave England in the back of the head as he cowered directly below the airborne belly of the passing beast. Simply put, don’t fuck with bulls.

 Missing Monkey News Story

I know Moe is a chimp. “Chimp,” however, is not funny. “Monkey” is funny. Are we cool with that? Good. Second, the only reason this is going up is because it is a story which involves monkeys ripping a dude’s nuts off. And then they ripped his nose off. And one of his feet. And his butt. I think it’s the butt part that makes me laugh. I recently heard an interview with David Sedaris and he had a similar reaction to buttocks being shorn from the body. The interviewer asked him to tell a story that he thought was funny, but no one else did. The story he chose—a true story—involved an old lady who was too impatient to wait for her son to come over and mow her lawn. So she got on the tractor-mower-thing herself and started mowing her lawn. However, she fell off the back of the mower and landed in the blades. She suffered a long list of limbs and appendages that were lost to the mower blades, including her buttocks. “If it had ended before the buttocks,” Sedaris said, “it wouldn’t have been funny.” I think mowing someone’s ass off is pretty funny also, but it’s not as funny as two fucking monkeys ripping a dude’s ass off. (Moe, incidentally, was not involved in the ass grabbing.) And while the idea of ripping someone a new ass seems improbable—like, how do you grab it…it’s just hard to picture, no?—I don’t doubt that a couple of monkeys would have much trouble with it. I “interviewed” Louie the Chimp, the skateboarding monkey, a few years ago for Big Brother, and while he was just a baby, he had the strength of ten men in his arms. I’m pretty sure he would have had no trouble ripping my buttocks off. Instead we French kissed.

Anyway, Moe, who was at the center of the buttock ripping story a few years ago, is now lost in the forest, far from his noseless, footless, dickless, assless owner. He’s probably scared. Actually he’s probably not scared—if you can rip someone’s ass off, what do you have to be scared of? But maybe he’s hungry? HUNGRY FOR ASS! Anyway, we’ve decided to throw up a bunch of our own monkey business in honor of Moe. Louie the Chimp will go up next week.

This is what you could call literal humor, or taking the obvious and making it oblivious. Not that Ehren McGhehey could actually spell any of those words right there, but whatever. We all have our roles in life. Anyway, one of the best things I noticed in the community this week was a quote by Scented Glue. She said, “Wasn’t Ehren a necrophiliac?” (more…)

For the unaware, uninitiated, and unsure, jackassworld live is every Wednesday at 4:20pm-ish PST. PST stands for “Pacific Standard Time” and applies to a geographical slice of the globe that includes California and other places. If you don’t live in California (or those other places) then you’re going to have to maximize your synapses by figuring out where in time you exist in relation to our global position. For help in doing so, go here: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/

It’s no secret I spend a good deal of time in the community. In fact, I think it’s one of the best tropical fish aquariums that money could buy. Fortunately I didn’t have to pay for it. Anyway, every so often I’ll run across a good community quote or two and add them to the jackassworld “Quotes of the Week” column, but there’s still a good deal I miss. But just the other day, Katie! posted up her own version of this column with quotes culled from her own backyard and interactions in the forum. Not only is it deserving of an honorable mention here on the home page, but it’s also a good excuse to re-run her offensive mother’s drawing in a more exclusive manner.

“yeah, but no one likes to sit by you.”
“why?”
“’cause you’re a bitch.”
—my mother to my dad, on who would be sitting in the front seat next to him on vacation

“don’t kill a puppy, kill cliver.”
—holli, a community member, after I expressed my want to kill a puppy after i missed chris pontius’s purple pony show

“i also found out rats don’t have bladders. isn’t that something? they’re constantly pissing.”
—sam, a community member

“man whores and beer.”
—woman, a community member, when asked what she would spend a million dollars on

“tell them to put my picture back up or i’m leaving. at this point, they can’t afford to lose any more members.”
—my mom, after she found out her picture was banned from jackassworld.com

(illustration by JackySnail; June 2008)

Prior to any Wildboyz tour of duty a great deal of research went into each and every target location. This was done mostly on the Internet by typing goofy words into Google and seeing what came up in the search results (kind of like how we stumbled upon that nudist colony in Slidell, LA). Here’s an example of something that might’ve come up for Indonesia: (more…)