jackassworld

The night of the whole Raw madness—and it really is madness (albeit extremely professional and fine-tuned) on the production side of the WWE wall—my request to bring a “good” camera along to the event was, for lack of a better descriptive word, cockblocked. So I was relegated to the use of my Lumix point-and-shoot and its dinky-ass, crap flash. Seriously, how can any camera manufacturer think a flash the width of a common household staple will illuminate anything beyond five-fucking-feet? Consequently my photos were all rather hit-and-miss for the most part, depending on the amount of motion, available light, and other technical whatnot, but this one seemed funny in that it not only showed the size discrepancy at play here but Johnny Knoxville’s expression on the screen behind as well—mere moments before the Great Khali attempted to lift it off his face. Anyway, later today we’ll be posting up the full video replay of Beth Phoenix, Hornswoggle, Big Dick Johnson, Chris Pontius, Boogeyman, Knoxville, and Khali in the ring, so keep a crossed eye on the marquee.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Anaheim, CA; 2008)

I know you guys are as disappointed and angry as I am that last night ended on a technicality like it did. That was complete bullshit. Look at the tape, I was still wanting to go but the refs were holding me down. (more…)

I’d never been to a professional wrestling event before last night’s Raw deal, but apparently the spectators are really into making and holding up signs. Some people even had like three or four different signs. Most of these artistically-challenged placards revolved around loving or hating on certain wrestlers, but there were a good deal directly related to jackass and Johnny Knoxville as well. Again, some pro, some con, but one being downright conceptual—and I don’t mean that in the art theory sense. Special thanks to Handsome Jack for providing the visual “heartthrob” accompaniment. (more…)

Well, this was a no brainer. A pint-size tallywhacker didn’t hold back Napoleon Bonaparte and it certainly didn’t hamper the Great Khali from bringing the hammer down on ol’ Knoxville. Look for a status update from “our hero” once his bell stops ringing and he can form a cohesive thought or two…maybe even three!

(photo by Sean Cliver; Anaheim, CA; 2008)

I don’t know if this could quite be termed a “Battle of the Century,” but I still wouldn’t miss it for the world. And neither should you. So find out live on USA Network’s WWE Monday Night Raw at 9:00/8:00pm CT to see once and for all who has the biggest balls.

Watch where it all started:

	one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer – the great khali
	johnny knoxville’s rebuttal to the great khali
	“the great kahli has a small weee wee”

More info at the WWE.com

Download poster here

Since we’re all eagerly awaiting the big night tonight with Johnny Knoxville and the Great Khali on WWE Monday Night Raw, here’s one last parting glimpse at how well “our hero” fares in the ring. Only this isn’t so much a ring as it is a big mat, and it’s not a gargantuan Indian man but a surly Russian woman. Good luck, Knoxville!

Hey Khali, I noticed you and that little Puerto Rican have been running the “kiss-cam” this week on TV. Well, here is my submission for the next one. But that’s if and only if you or that sawed-off Filipino of yours is doing the kissin’. I saw what you did to that poor Rubenesque girl from the audience on Friday night during the kiss-cam. Making fun of her because she has a Victorian figure… I was appalled. She didn’t make fun of you for lookin’ like a gorilla, or Rin Tin Tin for lookin’ like a midget, did she? No, she did not. That’s because she has class, and all you got is an appointment for a butt whippin’ on Monday, October 13th. So there.

Sincerely,

Knoxville

So you know the book Where’s Waldo where you have to find Waldo on every page? Well, today’s photo of the day is kinda like that except instead of locating Waldo you have to find the “big sissy” in this picture. One hint, it’s not the gorgeous guy holding the sign. I don’t want to help you any more than that, though, because I know our jackassworld members love a challenge. I love a challenge as well. It’s just too bad I won’t have one this Monday night on Raw.

Sincerely,

The South Knoxville Strong Boy

A while back some people from the WWE called us up and invited us to a wrestling match that was coming to town. Since it was going to be held in LA, they wanted to get as many A-List Hollywood stars as possible in attendance. I don’t know how far down the list they got before our names came up, but we were excited to go and even more excited when they said we could get into the ring. Originally, it was planned that sometime during the evening, the announcer would introduce Steve-O and myself to the audience and we would climb into into the ring and probably say some silly stuff, etc. We weren’t going to be wrestling or doing anything physical, no matter how much we knew that being in the ring would put us in the mood to kick some serious ass.

Later that night, in between matches, the time came for us to get into the ring. The arena was filled to capacity with screaming fans. There were fireworks exploding and rock ‘n’ roll blasting from giant speakers. It felt like being at an AC/DC concert. After a few moments in the ring, some guy with a Cuban accent came walking out, talking trash into a microphone that I assumed he had stolen. He started taunting us in the way that many have done in the past, challenging us to see how crazy we really are. I figured that he was just some yahoo that had snuck past security, but it turned out he was the manager of the Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga.

Then Umaga came out. The 360-pound Samoan looked pretty scary, but luckily I had my bro Steve-O with me and if you add up both of our weights combined we were just as big as him. It seemed like a pretty even match. Plus, we had twice as many arms, legs, and penises as him! Stepping into the ring with the Wildboyz would be the last thing that foolhardy savage would ever do! Umaga—prepare to die!

Unfortunately, as you can see from the footage, the match didn’t really turn out the way we would have liked it to. He beat the hell out of us! Still, we had a great time and now that we know his strategy, if there ever was a rematch, you can bet that it would be curtains for the Samoan Bulldozer!

—Chris Pontius

So here is me arriving on the scene of this horrible (but true) act of delinquency. Rick Kosick informed me that the hooligan who did this fled the scene stinking of booze, clutching his back, and shouting anti-Khali propaganda to all within earshot. Too bad I will never get to meet this man to shake his hand, slap his back, and offer to get him into some remedial spelling program. (Yes, it seems our comrade not only misspelled the Great Khali’s name but also “wee wee.”) Oh well, guts and brains don’t always go hand in hand. If you want to see video footage of our hero in action go here. Woo-hoo! —Johnny Knoxvilleee