jackassworld

Rick came in my office last week with another one of his cockamamie ideas. “Hey Dave,” he bellowed, “I have an idea.” Oh great, here we go. “Why don’t we build a bunch of little Neil Blender ramps around the office.” Cockamamie, yes. Stupid, yes. Great idea? FUCK YES. But I took it one step further.

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Within minutes of posting up the first photos from the jackassworld road trip a few weeks ago, people were like, “What the fuck is up with Preston’s hair?!” Well, here’s your fucking answer. In this “new” episode of The Preston Lacy Show (it was actually shot quite a while ago now), Wolfie appears pre-yawn injury and takes to the hot seat as Mick attends to Preston’s dye job. At some point the interview digresses into a music trivia match, at which point it then digresses even further. To round out the show’s hair theme, Preston brings in Sam Maccarone to stunt double as a chip ‘n’ dip bowl and, following a few classic clock-wipes, manages to lose virtually all his clothing to close the show out in style.

With the fog machine smoke still settling, Rick Kosick resumed his seat at the helm of jackassworld live this past Wednesday. If nothing else, maybe just to make up for the previous week’s “non-show” in which an unmanned computer looked out silently upon the jackassworld office as people went about their day-to-day working business (skateboarding, drinking, eating, and ordering tschochke holiday crap out of Madison’s school catalog). (more…)

Part One

Part Two

On this day, several, several, several years ago now, a cub was born unto mankind. His mother and father named him Greg, but once he started loping alongside the jackass pack he became the production beast known forever more as “Wolfie.” For eight long years Wolfie never ceased to amaze us, so much so that it almost felt like a crime to keep his magic all to ourselves. But with the DVD release of jackass 2.5, we were finally able to share our treasure with the world at large. Editor Mark Hansen put his heart and soul into the “Who is Greg Wolf?” biographical spotlight that was buried in the disc’s extra-features, yet it still met with mixed reviews, particularly this one by apparent know-nothing Danny Cox: “…good stuff, except for the bit on the marker-guy Wolfie, which is incredibly boring.” Well, there’s no accounting for taste, Danny, and it’s a shame you can’t appreciate all the wondrous trivialities life has to offer. I’d even go so far as to say, “Go fuck yourself,” but there’s really no sense in being a negatron on this joyous occasion. Happy birthday, Wolfie!

Just when you think the days of the Marlboro Man are all but over, in walks Wolfie in a crisp denim button-up shirt. The only thing he didn’t have on was a good mustache, so Jeff Tremaine grabbed a Sharpie and did the honors. (In the words of Wolfie, “I knew I shouldn’t have worn this shirt today.” Today?! What about this decade?) What really would’ve made his denim demon ensemble complete, though, was some form of leather apparel, like chaps, a vest, or even a smart little cap. This, of course, would’ve given us all good reason to break out in verse—the song being “Denim and Leather,” by Saxon.

(photo by Jeff Tremaine; Hollywood, CA; 2008)

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Part 2:

Okay, so that sounds somewhat sensationalistic, but what better way to celebrate jackassworld live going on the road for breaking news than by getting all tabloid and shit. And the truth is, Wolfie was on drugs. So we really aren’t pulling any Fox News crap here. Granted, he was only popping Hydrocodone, the generic equivalent to Vicodin, but that’s the best his jackassworld health insurance could get. No good stuff for Wolfie! What really sucks, though, is that he’s back in the office now and kind of crabbier than he was pre-surgery. My guess is that this grumpiness stems from the severely constipating effects of Hydrocodone, having already done my post-operative stint on the very same drug. God, that shit fucked up my shit for a good couple weeks…

Anyway, in Part 1, prepare yourself for a startlingly close close-up on Jeff Tremaine’s face. But this is a good thing, because if it wasn’t for Jeff we never would’ve bulldogged our way past Mrs. Wolf to let us near her husband. (Earlier in the day Wolfie told Kosick that no way in hell he wanted us over there doing a live broadcast—mostly, I guess, because he was having trouble getting a shirt on and didn’t want to be seen topless with his shorn pelt.) So just sit back and watch Jeff work his magic. He really is one of the best.

In Part 2, Kosick and Wolfie revisit the scene of the breakfast cereal mishap that lead up to this whole shoulder operation in the first place. And, as medical fate would have it, Wolfie was given some footage from the procedure, which we’ve freshly inserted here. It is rather trippy, though, and looks more like the titanium steel dick of a Schwarzenegger-era Terminator piston-fucking a giant squid. Especially with the accompanying zippy music score.

Live Videos by Ustream

For the unaware, uninitiated, and unsure, jackassworld live is every Wednesday at 4:20pm-ish PST. PST stands for “Pacific Standard Time” and applies to a geographical slice of the globe that includes California and other places. If you don’t live in California (or those other places) then you’re going to have to maximize your synapses by figuring out where in time you exist in relation to our global position. For help in doing so, go here: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/

I was at a party the other night and after some drinks, people started getting hungry. “Let’s order a pizza!” someone suggested. Nobody went, “Yay!” or high fived, but that was the general mood. Pizza is perfect when you’re drunk. It’s cheap, it fills you up and someone brings it to you. The dude calling the pizza place asked if pepperoni was cool? Yes, that was cool. Everyone was fine with that. Except for a handful of vegetarians who grumbled at the idea. We were like, you can just pick em off. They claimed that even when you picked the meat off, the spirit of the meat remained. Or something. So somebody said, how about half pepperoni, and half cheese? Again they claimed that the meat infects the entire pie, even the parts it’s not touching. They wanted a vegetarian pizza or nothing. Which was fine, but the majority of us at the party wanted pepperoni and there weren’t enough vegetarians to order another whole pizza. Like most vegetarians, they were being unnecessarily difficult. Which most of us found rather rude. So at that point we all just said, fuck off. Suit yourself. (more…)

My timing is a little off on this post, but then again time itself was a little askew throughout the whole jackassworld 24-hour takeover of the MTV studios in general. Sure, it was only on air for 24 hours in all, but there were several hundred man-hours leading up to that fateful weekend in February that made for a surreal time indeed. And it seems even more so now, if only because all of the footage slid into the jackassworld cellar so damn fast it felt just like one of those mystery poos. You know, where you know for a fact that you’ve just eked out a BM, but when you go to take that last look in the bowl prior to flushing it is nowhere to be found. Not even a smear! (more…)

Remember when I said in the news last Friday that there simply wasn’t anything more that could be said or done about Wolfie? I lied. Shortly after finishing up the news a hardy California cockroach wandered into our office (no surprise). A few grown men marveled at its size, while a few other grown men exposed their more squeamish tendencies—big mistake. Upon seeing a chink in Wolfie’s armor, Johnny Knoxville picked up the big bug while Dave Carnie and Rick Kosick stood at the ready with their trusty Flip cams. Wolfie surprised all, though, with a remarkable darkhorse display, as he fled the pack and sprinted pell-mell through the labyrinth despite a double handicap: (1) slinged paw; and (2) flip-flops. Run, Forrest, run!