jackassworld

When the Wildboyz were in Kenya, they did more than jam with elephants. They skated with them. They mud wrestled with them. They even watched them eat grass. They did so many goddamn things with elephants that there was simply too much pachyderm to pack into the three shows squeezed from their visit to the cradle of mankind. So, in Darwinian terms, this elephantine segment featuring Chris Pontius, Steve-O, and Wee Man just didn’t hold up in the survival of the fittest category and off to the Seasons 3 and 4 DVD extra-features it went…or rather it was supposed to. Instead it went the way of Tyke, a circus elephant that went a bit funny in the head and broke out of a Hawaiian big top in 1994—minus the more murderous rampage aspects, of course.

I don’t know about you, nor in some (occasionally many) instances do I want to, but I look forward to seeing a good blooper and outtake reel on most any DVD I rent or buy. If there isn’t, I feel cheated. Kind of like an involuntary fart during sex where an organism is never achieved due to uncontrollable fits of giggling. But what’s worse is when there is an outtake extra-feature and some dumbass editor or director went and turned it into a chopped up, overly dicey, slapstick music video of sorts, at which point I just want to go berserk and metaphorically drive my car into one of those sidewalk TV or movie production shoots that jam up traffic on Los Angeles surface streets. So I’m happy to say that in our dumbed down world of Dickhouse entertainment, we deliver the funny as straight as possibly can be, which, as you know, isn’t always that easy in the wonderfully ticklish and spicy world of the Wildboyz. It’s a crime this batch of Louisiana outtakes and bloopers never made it onto the DVD collection for Seasons 3 and 4, as it contains one of my most favorite quotes ever from Steve-O: “Chris, do you ever feel like you play a homosexual bulemic on TV?”

As a side note of no particular interest, my son is on the verge of losing his first tooth. It’s not quite ready to be yanked out yet, but it is rather wiggly and has somewhat impacted his ability to eat most any food not of a puke-like consistency. Consequently, my wife has become rather inventive in the kitchen to accommodate his crippled eating habits. Her most recent concoction is a pureed can of soup that has since been christened as “Bloop.” Naturally the kid loves it, because not only does it slide down his throat with ease but it’s fun to say and rhymes with “poop.”

Here’s another renegade sampling of random bloopers and outtakes from the Wildboyz, this time from their Indonesian adventures with special guest star Johnny Knoxville. Indo moments that missed the Seasons 3 and 4 DVD boat include: fighting cocks, black mamba hook and ladders, Caci whip capers, stick dancing and hobbling, bat cave crap sliding, jungle juiced ramblings, komodo dragon make outs, slow loris anal claws and golden showers, surprise sex orangutan-style, and an extended stay in a hotel vomitorium.

Humans are, without a doubt, some of the most dangerous and fucked-up animals in the world, but monkeys and apes run a really close second. Most people would never consider the simian crowd to be of such an extremely deadly nature, but that’s only because they are so damn deceptively cute. For example, take the great white shark. Those aren’t cute. Nobody wants to cuddle or get snuggy with one (well, that’s not entirely true…Manny is chomping at the bit to get extremely touchy-feely with one in open waters), but everyone loves a monkey, even those burly gross fuckers with the angry red butt welts that you see lazing about in posh zoo habitats. But, as mankind learned with the tragic true life story of Moe, Buddy, Ollie, and the birthday party gone ferociously awry, these animals will rip your tits off in seconds flat and have two more appendages coming loose before you even realized what was being ripped from where. (more…)

Elsewhere on this site today I brought to light the topic of my recent run-in with a hemorrhoid. Normally this isn’t something one talks about with 25,000 strangers, but I’ve never been one to adequately filter myself. I think it comes from having diarrhea of the fingers, which is funny, considering I’m actually quite constipated when it comes to the mouth and butt; meaning, I don’t talk much and I poop even less (or at least in the freely sense, with respect to the latter). Maybe there’s not enough fiber in my diet, maybe I don’t drink enough water, but whenever it comes to the matter of making a poop…well, it’s a strained situation at best. (more…)

Prior to any Wildboyz tour of duty a great deal of research went into each and every target location. This was done mostly on the Internet by typing goofy words into Google and seeing what came up in the search results (kind of like how we stumbled upon that nudist colony in Slidell, LA). Here’s an example of something that might’ve come up for Indonesia: (more…)

When the Wildboyz went to India in 2004, they learned the world was a whole lot freakier there than most any other place they’d traveled (excluding Louisiana, of course, since they didn’t tackle that deep, dark and dirty territory until 2005). (more…)

I think it was around 1995 when we had Chris Pontius interview the band Sonic Youth for Big Brother magazine. Well, it wasn’t the whole band, just Kim Gordon, and the interview was conducted over the phone, not in person. (more…)

One of the foremost reasons that prompted us to go back to Louisiana for jackass number two was the sheer wealth of material we filmed while in country for the Wildboyz “Deep South” and “Louisiana” episodes. (more…)

Okay, so what we have here is another renegade segment from the third season of Wildboyz that failed to make it onto the DVD extra features like it was supposed to. Maybe someone forgot to hold its hand onto the short bus, I don’t know, but it’s a sexy little number called “Oyster Fest,” where Chris Pontius and Steve-O sit down with Manny Puig at an oyster bar in Louisiana and proceed to shuck, huck, and hurl their way through plate loads of the mollusks. (more…)