jackassworld

“we could spray silly string on him? based on rick’s reaction this afternoon, that might be the worst thing you can do to another human being.”
—dave carnie, when asked by johnny knoxville what bad kind of things we could do to jeff tremaine on his birthday

“jeff makes some really convincing gay faces when you stick a dick in him!”
—mat hoffman, in regard to the artwork for jeff tremaine’s car wrap that johnny knoxville made for him

“at first it was funny, but after about three hours i had some moral stirrings in my soul.”
—will etling, regarding his having to photochop jeff tremaine’s face on dozens of hardcore gay bondage photos

“those are the sloppiest, saggiest boobs i’ve ever seen on a dude.”
—jeff tremaine, regarding a dude with sloppy, saggy boobs in a restaurant

“i feel my risotto coming back up.”
—lauren, a community member, looking at the photo of the day featuring jeff tremaine in his birthday suit

“oh my god, there’s stuff in here that i wish I could just unsee but i just can’t stop looking.”
—jonathan schwartz, looking at the stockroom catalogs given to us by mister merlin

“I’m the only girl around here who likes to eat shit!”
—gio, our soon-to-be-ex-accountant, taken severely out of context

“you should really explain my eating shit really means eating the good kind of shit! or maybe it’s bad shit?  but good shit to me? oh never mind, it’s all shit at the end!”
—gio, our soon-to-be-ex-accountant, trying to explain her quote above

“hey, i don’t know who this is or this email. plus, take me off this cocksucking email list. email lists are gay. not two dudes gay, just gay.”
—wee man, in response to a mass-email sent by ehren mcghehey regarding a new email address

“if jackassworld was the titanic, he’d be the anchor.”
—seth casriel, regarding dimitry elyashkevich

“how did she know what you were gonna be wearing today?”
—jxpx blackmon to loomis fall, after opening his brand new portrait by sarah green

The big news of the week is, obviously, that the jackassworld community member roster finally topped the 30,000 mark (okay, yeah, with a little help from some historically dead folks such as Adolph Hitler, Joseph Stalin, Marilyn Monroe, and King Henry VIII, not to mention at least two or three schizophrenic clown personalities from Australia). Apparently this occurred over the weekend and it just so happened be some random guy from Chile going by the name of Cornetaboy, which if translated from Spanish to English means something like “bugle boy” (personally, I don’t get it, but then again I’m not Chilean nor was I fond of the former Chinese-American clothier). Currently, or at least as of this writing, our member count is up to 30,174, living, dead or otherwise, but that’s no reason to stop any of this from continuing to happen (thanks for your rural guerrilla antics, Pussy Power).

Sign Of The Fox joined us on jackassworld live this past Wednesday and alternately entertained and/or titillated viewers depending upon their sexual proclivities (apparently Handsome Jack didn’t land his name by accident). Jack, Dave Georgeff, and Mark Gracious acoustically played two songs off their most recent CD For Anybody Else and swapped early tales of longtime friends Loomis Fall and Johnny Knoxville. While intermittently tossing confetti around in celebration of a balloon-bobbing Cornetaboy, extra special guest Wee Man held down the couch duties with regular show host Rick Kosick, who once again succeeded in ticking off Mike G. no more than a few minutes into the show (maybe even seconds!). In the final live moments, Chris Pontius and Loomis pushed the sausage count in the room up into overdrive, while Shanna brought the community hammer down on her most recent match.com debacle. Look for a replay featuring some of this stuff, but not all, on Sunday.

Knoxville did the guest appearance DJ thing on Indie 103.1 FM this Thursday, and invited Pontius to join him in soiling the airwaves with a somewhat Purple Pony-ish Q&A with listeners. In addition to the further tales of his famous tallywhacker, Chris weighed in on the upsides and downsides of door number two and provided a very graphic description of the self-pleasuring events that went, for the most part, unseen during the “Playgirl Pontius” segment (aside from the six or seven other dudes present in Trip’s backyard at the time and the subsequent Internet generation of urban pirates that unearthed a certain “Too Hot” tape).

Dimitry Elyashkevich is back from his travels in the Far East and entertained all in the office with footage from behind the mysterious borders of North Korea. For now, let’s just say the electric light parade over at Disneyland is indie capitalist pig shit compared to what Kim Jong-il’s trippy and extremely well choreographed propaganda machine is capable of delivering. Anyway, once Dimitry’s mental faculties rejoin his physical locality, look forward to seeing some racy moments with Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, and Loomis from the most recent Gumball Rally. With further regard to Dunn, and probably in a much more timely manner, be sure to check him out this Saturday in the latest jackass flashback for “Poo Dive.”

(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich)

Recently, The Dark was part of a group show at the Carmichael Gallery in West Hollywood, CA. Seeing as he’s my favorite artist, I was lucky enough to hang out while he did a street installation and have him melt my brain by explaining the meaning and purpose behind his recent multi-layered works. (more…)

I told Mark Lewman about this short story idea I had called “The Horse Namer.” It’s about some kid that comes on the horse naming scene and he’s just way ahead of his time. He names horses things like, “BBBBBBBBBB,” “:{]]—=WE4444,” “*&^*^()_++++,” and “THHHHPPPPPT.”

Race announcers hate him, but fans and trainers adore him.

I never wrote the story. But Lewman liked the idea and it reminded him of “this handsome machine that beckoned for my coin in a fuel depot shitter on my route home tonight.” I think “Midnight Stalker” wins.

Just the other day Mianus officially joined the jackassworld community. Hooray! I’d been waiting a long time for Mianus to login, especially after all these years of strictly logging out. To commemorate the airy arrival of Mianus, here’s the one and only Johnny Knoxville standing alongside the prominent freeway sign that we’d first spotted in 1995 while on our Big Brother East Coast road trip. We were only five or six days into the three-week long trek, but the thrill of seeing Mianus lasted for the duration of the trip and, what do you know, we still have fond memories of it to this day. For further information about Mianus, please feel free to poke around this handy-dandy tourist directory for fun things to see or do along the main drag and off the beaten path.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Mianus, CT; 2000)

Well, the circus may not have wanted him, but we most certainly do. Here, Jeff Tremaine stands proudly by his midjit, the same as he always has, through the best, the worst, and the hammiest of times. Good job, Wee Man!

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2007)

In honor of Chris Pontius’s birthday today (okay, technically it was yesterday, but we had a major issue with the Interweb and weren’t able to post or host anything until now), here’s a shot of him in full festive form. Dimitry took this photo in 2004 on Wildboyz, when they were deep in the mangrove sticks of Indonesia engaging in some cultural education affairs with a tribe of indigenous people known as the Dayaks (which I think when translated into English means “drunks,” but it’s an obscure dialect and I’m really only basing this off what can be seen here in the video). Pontius took the lead early on this night, but by the time all the “jungle juice” had run its course, the entire crew was a walking and slurring mess—not to mention the floor of a certain Dayak longhouse, as well. ¡Viva la Tradición!

(photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; Borneo, Indonesia; 2004)

I was sitting on the toilet with a bindle on my knee. The keys were shaking in my hand. There was a crumpled piece of toilet paper between my feet. Suddenly a broom came under the stall door and swatted the piece of toilet paper. I looked up and saw a little brown janitor peering in between the door and the jam. He smiled at me. Then he pulled the toilet paper towards him, swept it into his dustpan and was gone. (more…)

For the unaware, uninitiated, and unsure, jackassworld live is every Wednesday at 4:20pm-ish PST (although this particular show with Wee Man will be at 5:00pm-ish). PST stands for “Pacific Standard Time” and applies to a geographical slice of the globe that includes California and other places. If you don’t live in California (or those other places) then you’re going to have to maximize your synapses by figuring out where in time you exist in relation to our global position. For help in doing so, go here: http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/If you’d like to ask a question of Wee Man, please post it in the comments below. There is no formal “live chat” function available, but we’ll be scrolling through the comments here live as the show progresses.

We have officially reached George A. Romero status within the studio. Bloodshot eyes, shaky hands, stumbling feet—total motherfucking zombies from hell. As you’ve probably noticed, a few of the guys have disappeared here and there for small periods of times or in Steve-O’s case altogether. But if you discerned a certain escalating tone within the context of the hourly updates then you can probably fill in the appropriate blanks. And now I don’t know if I’ve got this right or not, but amid repeats and clips and maybe some other shit, Bam tried to jump ship with only two hours to go. Luckily Dave England was in a place where he could roam, I mean, hobble freely and he forthrightly alerted everyone to the impending situation. Somehow Knoxville talked Bam into staying and plied him with power drinks and small rubber bouncy balls. For those of you who have been lording over the security camera feed, congratulations. You had front row seat for some topnotch shit. Too bad you couldn’t hear it.

(Photo: Sean Cliver)