jackassworld

I’ve been around skateboarding a long time now. Not as long as some, to be sure, but still long enough to have seen a few generations of skaters come and go—like guys who are in their thirties now that I first met when they were knee-high 12-year-olds with flutey-flute voices. This can be somewhat disconcerting at times, if only because I don’t particularly care to be reminded of my present age, but it is interesting to see how some have progressed in life throughout the years. (more…)

The Mumbling Elk originally appeared as an advertisement buried in the back of Big Brother issue 29 (DC Super Tour issue) in 1997. It was largely ignored by America, but apparently it became very popular in Europe. Is America ready for the Mumbling Elk ten years later? Based on this new advertising campaign, someone seems to think so.

The only reason this thing got made is so that I could be a “frustrated-hand model.” I love the frustrated hands in infomercials. They convey so much expression, so much hatred. It’s not easy to show how you’re feeling with just your hands. It takes a real artist. I was also hoping to make some money off the tape measures, but I’m not sure if we’re really going to be selling those in the store, or if this is just a joke? Well, we have one anyway. I’m taking offers.

I puked. I’m not blaming the tequila, though. Well, I mean, it was the tequila, but it’s not uncommon for me to feel like puking after a shot of tequila. Especially the first. You know that feeling after you’ve had a couple beers and someone gives you a shot of tequila? It hits your gut and starts a bile fire, which then slowly inches its way up your throat and fills your mouth. I usually don’t have much trouble holding it back, and after that first one I’m fine, but that wasn’t the case after I had a Tequila Pocket Shot. I politely excused myself, calmly marched into Knoxville’s bathroom and barfed my brains out. I must admit the bouquet was as delightful coming up as it was going down. (more…)