

A trip into the Wildboyz photo archive is not only like a global safari but a trip to a modern art museum, too. Several of the shots can take on a very abstract quality with subject matter that surely qualifies as a niche special interest with bizarre fetishistic overtones. Or are they undertones? Well, whatever kind of tone it is, I’m sure more than a few ladies will be jealous of Chris Pontius’s toned bottom here (minus the cactus needles, of course, but perhaps not in all instances because humanity has long since proven that 1 out of 100 people finds pleasure in being peed on), because that’s all him. No work out required. There is, however, one glaring issue that this Mexican spanking failed to lance and that’s Chico Fiesta’s angry, red Mt. Pusuvius. And since I’ve already broached the subject of bizarre fetishes, what the heck is up with significant others getting excited over the chance to pop a mate’s zit? Seriously. It’s stuff like that that makes me a big believer in the theory of evolution (well, that and Cordell), because you can’t get any more bored-ape-in-a-zoo than that. No, I take that back. You can. But it involves poo and I haven’t eaten my breakfast yet. Not that this would normally bother me, but my food does tend to look like poo because of my half-ass vegan diet, so there’s no reason to take an already shitty morning and make it even shittier. Bottom’s up!
more photo of the day


Now let me preface what I’m about to say with the fact that I would never ever in a million-billion years consider going back in time to toy with my twisted fate like some punk-ass Michael J. Fox. I’m quite fine with where I’m at now and wouldn’t even think about jeopardizing my present spot in life. But … I sometimes wish I could have witnessed this scene with entirely fresh eyes in the movie theater like so many million-billion others did in October 2006 [correction: September 2006]. What would that have been like to sit down and feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow, as two grown-up hetero men suddenly get jiggy with a puppetry spun penis on the very same screen past graced by the celluloid images of Robert DeNiro, Brad Pitt, and Mark Hamill? I don’t know. So you tell me.