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So the other day I sat down with the WWE’s Great Khali for a “One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer.” Aside from the time I watched Umaga fight Pontius and Steve-O, I haven’t kept up with professional wrestling since I was little. (By the way, if you haven’t seen Pontius and Steve-O wrestle Umaga then do yourself a favor and check it out online somewhere. Steve-O gets the shit kicked out of him and had to see a doctor afterwards. Heh heh…) Anyway, someone sent me a photo of the Great Khali staring down at Mike Tyson (who was in a mask), and I thought it looked pretty hilarious. The guy is fucking huge, so I thought it might be cool to sit down and interview him for the show. Well, it was pretty cool … for a little bit, anyway. I don’t know if this guy is touchy about the certain area of the body that I asked him about or if he just hated me and simply wanted to leave. Whatever the reason, he bailed about five minutes into the show. For the record, this is the first “One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer” that has ended bad—or good, depending on how you look at it. Heh heh… Anyway, I don’t know who lit the fuse on the Great Khali’s tampon, but here is the shortest show we have ever done.

Sincerely, Knoxville

P.S. After reading the comments below for the Great Khali interview, I agree with some of our community members that maybe the reason for the Great Khali’s bilious reaction has something to do with the blog I wrote about the African penis thieves. Maybe he thought I took or shrunk his tallywhacker. Or maybe he just walked in that way! Anyway, if you haven’t checked out the African penis thieves article, now would be a perfect time.

article- african penis thieves

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Johnny Knoxville sits down to talk with longtime professional skateboarder and mini-mogul Rob Dyrdek.

In the first official semi-pre-produced segment of the Purple Pony Chronicles, Shanna sits down with her two favorite sexual advisors, Steve-O and Chris Pontius, with director Johnny Knoxville offscreen. Right out of the gate the three discuss awkward scenarios that arise from poor sexual hygiene, which prompts Steve-O to display how he’s let himself go in the pubic region of late. Following the bemused response to a question about finding a cure for premature male ejaculation, Chris and Steve-O reminisce about the series of backseat beat-off contests that took place between them on the 2001 Gumball Rally. Springboarding from matters of the wiener to expounding upon the vagina, the boys address everything from foul odors and how to address them to the predicament of throwing a hot dog down Main Street. And it just wouldn’t be a Purple Pony show without the perennial standby question: “Given the choice between a really great blowjob and actual sex, what would a guy choose?”

In this installment of “My Awsome Crap,” Rick Kosick tours the holiday-humbled abode of Gabby Godhead, the guitarist for The Virginia City Revival. Amid gerbil-propelled balls, koalas, dolls up the wazoo, Winky the One-Eyed Cat, and a wardrobe closet that puts Tammy Faye Bakker to shame, Gaby gabs about his goods and the wonder of it all.

As soon as “Bush Diving” hit the schedule, I immediately thought, “Shit, since this is Ehren McGhehey’s baby, he’ll probably want to say a few words about it.” So I asked him. And I was right. He had a few words to say. Very few. Fifteen, in fact, and here they all are: “Bush diving is fun and dangerous. Watch out for thorns and crabs. Remember safety first.” Thanks, Ehren. (more…)

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Well, I’d have to say Danger Ehren really lived up to his namesake in this episode of Shanna’s “Purple Pony Chronicles.” In Part 1, Shanna discusses “who” exactly is sitting on the couch with her and what his sexual orientation might be. She then poses solicited queries from the community with Katie! leading the questioning charge, unsurprisingly, and ol’ dirty Deborah pulling a hard, strong second…and third. Shanna slowly gets more and more creeped out by Ehren’s comments, but then gets full-blown disgusted when he reveals his penchant for “pound-fucking” to the Melvins and flagrant use of the “P-word.” (more…)

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“It’s a shame the flame must melt the candle to survive,

And the train must leave the station to survive,

The honeybee leads the thieves back to the hive,

What’s killin’ me is barely keeping me alive.”

Those lyrics are from a song called “10,000 Candles” by my cousin, country singer Roger Alan Wade. He wrote those lyrics and he earned those lyrics the hard way. Thirty years of “what’s killin’ me is barely keeping me alive” really did almost kill him, and 168 days ago Rog’ entered rehab and has been clean ever since.

Being clear and present has done cuz’ nice too. He has got a new album out called Stoned Traveler and it’s consistently in the top ten on the Amazon country charts. He is also touring the US for the first time ever. My girlfriend and I got to catch him in Austin and he received a standing ovation his first night at the Saxon pub. I almost cried. Actually, I think I did. Rog’ has been at it for over three decades and to see everything coming together for him now means more to me and my family than I can express in words. My cousin is drenched in talent and the truth. He once remarked, “All you want out of a drug dealer or an artist is honesty,” and his music is honest. Thank god he is no longer concerned with the veracity of the aforementioned drug dealer. And thank god for the new life and momentum he now has. In honor of my cousin, his music, and the sleep deprived angels that are watching over him, today’s show will be called “No Bourbon, No Scotch, and No Beer.” Roger, I love you and I am more proud of you than you will ever know. Onward and forward and love.

Your Cousin, PJ (can’t sign Knoxville to rog’)

P.S. I want to thank Dale Watson for coming to his show in Austin at the Saxon pub and for inviting Rog’ to sing onstage with him at the Broken Spoke afterwards. What a grand, sweet blessing Dale, thanks so much. Also, I want to thank Connie and Amy Nelson for being so kind period. And I would like to really thank them for being so kind to Roger and helping him get those shows in Austin. Thanks for coming to the shows, too, Connie. Dale, Connie, and Amy, you opened your heart up to Rog’ and helped open Austin’s eyes to his music in the process. As Ernest Tubb would say, “Thanks, thanks a lot.”

Okay, here we go again with that shy, demure, little wallflower, Eddie Barbanell. We filmed this the same day we filmed the weatherman bit and oh boy am I happy with the way it came out. You see, aside from playing over-sexed weatherman Hauser Bush, Eddie Barbanell is also a classically trained actor. He has performed Shakespeare many times on the stage and will quote passages of Shakespearean dialogue 15 minutes or longer to anyone who will listen. Actually, you don’t even have to WANT to listen. Eddie is going to perform it for you whether you like it or not. Just ask our editor-in-chief Seth Casriel. Ha ha ha… By the way, after a tough negotiation, Eddie has now procured Seth to be his new agent. So please forward any commercial or theatrical requests for Eddie to Seth at jackassworld. Okay then, I have to stop writing now because Eddie is calling on the phone and he gets pissed if it rings more than four times before I answer. What a diva, sheesh. AWOOOOOO!

—Johnny Knoxville

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Mat Hoffman is obsessed with flight. Unfortunately for him, he isn’t that concerned with landing. As you know (and if you don’t) Mat Hoffman is the modern day equivalent to Evel Knievel. He is the most legendary BMX rider of all time, and he also happens to be one of the sweetest men I have ever met—the gnarliest man I have ever met, yet completely gentle and humble. What a huge and singular spirit! (more…)