the wildboyz over and out special, parts 10-11
Part 10
Part 11
I’m sorry to say, you have greatly disappointed us. Our new, weird, web software is giving us back numbers that, when decoded (with the decoder ring we have and nobody else has), tell us what you’ve been doing, and, apparently, you haven’t been doing what we asked you to do: watching these Wildboyz Over and Out pieces. Instead you’ve been doing stuff like opening and closing your curtains, stealing napkins from Del Taco, emptying the flower pots out back that are filled with rain water, reading the scouting reports for your fantasy football picks, cleaning the cat litter box (stop using your hands—or at least wash them before you go to the bathroom—but it’s time to invest in a poop scoop), fishing off the end of the pier with those drunk Chinese fellas, smoking pot in the shower, in fact you’re showering a lot lately, taking pictures of the television at the airport bar, talking to your cat in fake-German when you’re home alone, switching the plugs around, rearranging the coffee mugs in the cupboard, [CENSORED], eBaying ferrets, catching up on all that Chaucer you never read, wondering whether your dog’s anal glands need cleaning, checking your bank account to see if you can pay for an anal gland cleaning, performing home anal gland cleanings by yourself, pulling nails out of 2×4s, studying the behavior of ants, experimenting with bay leaves, cinnamon, vinegar and other household ingredients in regards to your ant problem, writing frightening verse to a buck toothed girl in Luxembourg, patching the garden hose, collecting your urine in mason jars, arranging your jars of urine by color on the southern wall of your garage, asking your friends and family to send you their phone numbers (again!) because this time you lost your phone at the after-work party at Dave & Busters last Friday, changing the order in which you dress every morning, picking the pubes off the mammal soap, shopping for belts on Craig’s List, admiring the smell of your own farts, throwing out your ex-girlfriend’s incense, watching BBC News and trying to understand the rules of cricket, adding your own personal touch to your memories of mediocrity and failure, frosting your tips, scolding your socks, and stalking your ex-girlfriend. Tsk tsk. Needless to say, we are still very, very, very disappointed in you.
more manny puig
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The web software appears to still be working, and apparently that homosexuality yesterday really got you in the mood? Guess what? We’re down to “very, very upset.”
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We’re back to being very upset. That’s “very,” cubed. You’re being gay by not watching these Wildboyz posts. Or should I say, you’re not being gay enough.
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the wildboyz over and out special, parts 4-5
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When it comes to celebrating goofy days of the week or showing some kind of team spirit, count me the fuck out.
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wildboyz unseen – louisiana outtakes and bloopers from season 3
I don’t know about you, nor in some (occasionally many) instances do I want to, but I look forward to seeing a good blooper and outtake reel on most any DVD I rent or buy. If there isn’t, I feel cheated. Kind of like an involuntary fart during sex where an organism is never achieved due to uncontrollable fits of giggling. But what’s worse is when there is an outtake extra-feature and some dumbass editor or director went and turned it into a chopped up, overly dicey, slapstick music video of sorts, at which point I just want to go berserk and metaphorically drive my car into one of those sidewalk TV or movie production shoots that jam up traffic on Los Angeles surface streets. So I’m happy to say that in our dumbed down world of Dickhouse entertainment, we deliver the funny as straight as possibly can be, which, as you know, isn’t always that easy in the wonderfully ticklish and spicy world of the Wildboyz. It’s a crime this batch of Louisiana outtakes and bloopers never made it onto the DVD collection for Seasons 3 and 4, as it contains one of my most favorite quotes ever from Steve-O: “Chris, do you ever feel like you play a homosexual bulemic on TV?”
As a side note of no particular interest, my son is on the verge of losing his first tooth. It’s not quite ready to be yanked out yet, but it is rather wiggly and has somewhat impacted his ability to eat most any food not of a puke-like consistency. Consequently, my wife has become rather inventive in the kitchen to accommodate his crippled eating habits. Her most recent concoction is a pureed can of soup that has since been christened as “Bloop.” Naturally the kid loves it, because not only does it slide down his throat with ease but it’s fun to say and rhymes with “poop.”
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My timing is a little off on this post, but then again time itself was a little askew throughout the whole jackassworld 24-hour takeover of the MTV studios in general.
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So the good news is that Greg Wolf is back in the office today and taking care of business despite all handicapped odds.
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Whenever you put a major metropolitan city next to an unmitigated wilderness rife with wildlife beyond measure, you have to plan for a certain amount of acceptable loss in terms of human life.
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