jackassworld

Sometimes Jeff Tremaine gets mad at me. Sometimes he gets really pissed and others he just gets kinda pissed. Like when we were doing the 24-hour takeover and I wrote “FUCK A DUDE” on the spinning wheel that we used for the “Box of Things That Suck” bit. “Uh, yeah, this is live TV and you just wrote ‘FUCK A DUDE’ on the wheel.” I think my response was, “Yeah so?” to which Jeff replied, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” We have a great shorthand me and Jeff.

Love, Knoxville

(photo by Sean Cliver; New York, NY; 2008)

My timing is a little off on this post, but then again time itself was a little askew throughout the whole jackassworld 24-hour takeover of the MTV studios in general. Sure, it was only on air for 24 hours in all, but there were several hundred man-hours leading up to that fateful weekend in February that made for a surreal time indeed. And it seems even more so now, if only because all of the footage slid into the jackassworld cellar so damn fast it felt just like one of those mystery poos. You know, where you know for a fact that you’ve just eked out a BM, but when you go to take that last look in the bowl prior to flushing it is nowhere to be found. Not even a smear! (more…)

If you struggled through the night with us on the jackassworld 24-hour takeover of MTV, then you may well have seen this high-speed mural air somewhere in the twilight zone of Hour 11. However, even if you did, what you didn’t see was the painterly junk of Jeff Tremaine’s that was obscured beneath a big gay blur. (more…)

I believe we’ve been meaning to post this up ever since before the jackassworld 24-hour takeover back in February, but it somehow slipped down the seat of our pants and into a crack. Basically, this is the full loop of images and clips that were broadcast larger than life on the jumbotron screen overlooking Broadway on Times Square. So if you can—to fully appreciate the absurdity of a few of these images—imagine them looming up over your head on something akin to the broadside of a ’70s conversion van. I dare say it’ll be the last time the words “fart” and “poo” are ever seen squatting on such prime advertising real estate again, and for the uninformed tourist it must’ve been a real treat to view such strange and stupid things playing out in a ridiculously grandiose manner.

If you’ve ever seriously wondered about Manny’s relationship to the animal kingdom, wonder no more. Here, during the 24-hour takeover, he not only displays an amazing natural ability to blend into his surrounding environment, but also feigns sleep while waiting in anglerfish-like fashion to prey upon any wayward females that happen to stray within his reach. Manny is the next evolutionary step for mankind.

I’m not sure when we discovered the K-Files, but it was sometime back in the early Big Brother days. One day we realized, “Holy shit! There are Kosicks everywhere!” Doppelgangers? Clones? Replicants? We’re not even really sure what they are, but we’ve taken to calling them K-Files (short, obviously, for Kosick Files) because we keep a special, top-secret file where all of our K-File records, sightings, information, etc. are stored. To be honest, besides the occasional sighting, there’s not much else in the files. There’s a lot of conjecture, but the truth is that very little is known about these unusual creatures. All we can say with confidence is that they look like Kosick. But we’ve heard everything under the sun in regards to their bizarre behavior. Here are just a few rumors:

K-Files are an ancient race that has been around since the dawn of time.

K-Files are born out of Kosick’s nipples at the witching hour on full moon nights.

K-Files are from the future.

The Cthulu myth is real and Cthulu is Kosick’s real name.

K-Files are direct descendents of Jesus Christ and are sometimes considered to be the “Holy Grail” itself.

K-Files will destroy the human race and take over the planet.

Etc.

And while there’s no hard evidence to back the last claim, it is the most troubling and most frequent thing we hear about K-Files. Thus, the one thing that is absolutely certain about the K-Files is that we need to keep an eye on them and learn everything we can about their behavior. That’s why we’re finally turning to the public for help: please send us your K-Files. Have you seen a K-File? Perhaps you even know a K-File? Shoot a picture of any K-File you see in the wild and please send it to us as soon as possible with any pertinent information you gathered in the encounter.

Who knows, K-Files could be peaceful, they could be hostile, the point is they exist and we’ll never know what they’re up to without a careful and thorough study of their activities. Please help us expand our database by sending us whatever photos or information you have in regards to the mysterious K-File. Thank you.

exhibit A

Le Petomane was the greatest farter of all time. You cold say he was the Michael Jordan of farting. (The obvious hockey analogy would be Gretzky, but I almost want to say “Sidney Crosby” because his lips look like fake, novelty poop.) At the height of his career in turn-of-the-century Paris (as a professional farter), Le Petomane was selling out the Moulin Rouge night after night and flooring audiences with an act that consisted of nothing but farts. (To read more about Le Petomane, a review of his biography and to hear some farts, click here.) Why? Because farts are awesome.

Just as everyone in the NBA is on the lookout for the next Jordan, we here at the JAW are looking for the next Le Petomane. Does your butt make noises? Let’s hear them. Record your ass (Steve Albini once recommended a non-directional mic to me), upload it here, and introduce the li’l fella to our distinguished panel of jackass fart judges. The best fart will be the best fart and will be awarded the distinction of being the best fart. So let ‘er rip, cut the cheese and fart away! We want to hear what you got—no, the world wants to hear what you got.

Click here to upload your fart and get started.

Looking for 15-seconds of fleeting fame on the jackassworld 24-hour takeover but can’t find a way to get your ass to New York on February 23/24? Here’s your chance to get interactive and shit. First, come up with one question to ask any member of the jackass cast. Feel free to ask any question you like, just keep it short and to the point. Then have one of your dumb little buddies film you asking it to the camera, or film yourself using one of those Eleanor Rigby web cameras. Lastly, upload the clip here. From there we’ll select the best questions, present them to the cast members while we’re in New York, and film their responses to post on the site throughout the 24-hour marathon and the bloody aftermath to follow.

There are some rules, however, so put down your Flip cam for a moment and listen up:

1. We only accept uploads in these formats: MOV, MPEG, MPG, MP4, WMV, ASF, and AVI (including DIVX). You can also try these formats: DCK, FCK, THE, CNT, HOL, but we cannot guarantee technical compatibility in all instances. Oh and don’t try to embed videos from other sites. You can only upload directly.
2. Limit one question per video.
3. Any video that deviates from the question format in any manner will be deleted. In other words, don’t bother uploading any random crap because an even more random team of unaffiliated moderators will simply throw ’em in the trash without a second thought.
4. Don’t play music in the background. If you do, we’ll have to delete it and we won’t be able to even think about playing it on TV.