jackassworld

First off, this is not a burning ring of fire. It’s horse shit and lots of it. “Horse Poo Joust” hails from the earliest months of filming for jackass in the summer of 2000, when our fecal fantasies were still in their infancy. (more…)

Typically this would be the occasion to break out the “yore,” “ye,” and “yon” period piece speech, but I was just too tickled while watching this clip to try and pull any medieval crap out of my duodenum. I think what ultimately distracted me from doing so was the incredibly close call between Bam Margera and an unwitting Razor totin’ kook who almost walked out and took the charge mid-tunnel. Holy crap! (more…)

Yet again I must express my sincere wonder at how some of this shit never skidded onto the assorted jackass television series DVDs. A close accompaniment to “Duck Hunting” with Raab Himself, “Skeet Shooting” is another paintballin’ welt-fest in which Johnny Knoxville and Ryan Dunn escape relatively unscathed while Raab is lit up like a backwoods Christmas tree. But whereas “Duck Hunting” found a respectable digital rest home, “Skeet Shooting” all but disappeared into that mucky green moat of Arasapha Farms. A shame, because I’m pretty sure Jeff Tremaine spent a long time crafting those matching bull’s eyes on Raab’s sick ass cheeks.

Okay, time to flush the toilet here on some transitional remnants from seasons 2 and 3 of the jackass television series that were never preserved for digital eternity. Things clinging to the bowl include: Guch getting radical on a kiddy slide in Portland, Oregon; Bam threading the needle while crossing Gay and High in West Chester, Pennsylvania; Steve-O thwocking his head on an airboat in the Everglades of Florida; and then an assortment of unorthodox jacuzzi moves by the cast at our favorite hotel destination spot in Orlando, Florida.

This is one of those television series renegades that reaffirms my faith in jackass, meaning dumbshittery continues to abound and prosper throughout the ages. Why exactly “Football Follies” never made it onto the DVD box set is a real D.B. Cooper mystery for the new millennium, but then again there were a lot of things about the jackass series’ move to DVD that never made a whole heck of a lot of sense. Anyone remember when Volumes 2 and 3 came out years before Volume 1? That was a good laugh to be had on the no good account of too many nervous nellies in the bureaucratical bunch. Anyway, it’s nice to have Steve-O, Danger Ehren, and Stephanie Hodge back off the bench and onto the playing field. Yay, team! See you in the showers.

Ah, Orlando… If we ever did go ahead and start production on the fabled jackass 3, which we haven’t, for all you unbelievers out there, I doubt we’d be able to pass up one more trip to this city. Or, more importantly, the hotel of horrors that gave us carte blanche to do most anything and everything within the confines of its property, including nakedness in the lobby, more nakedness in the elevators, and even more nakedness in the conference rooms. (more…)

For the more trivial-minded amongst you, here’s an esoteric selection of trivia surrounding Chris Pontius’s “Night Monkey” business in 2000: (more…)

I’m watching The Rocket right now. It’s the Maurice Richard story. It’s actually really good so far. I haven’t finished watching it because Tania came home last night before the movie was over. I had to turn it off. Watching a movie about hockey is like watching porn. She won’t stand for it. Although she was the one that Netflixed it for me. God bless her. (Can we make “Netflix” a verb?) Despite my hatred of the Montreal Canadians and my racism towards Quebecois, I found myself liking Maurice. I even got a little misty eyed at times. But I was laughing my ass off during the hockey fights in the movie. Great stuff. The best one is Maurice vs. some goon on the Rangers. The goon, coincidentally, was played by present NHL pest Sean Avery. The second coincidence being that Avery actually was a Ranger for awhile. So anyway Avery goes for Richard and every one is all scared that their star player, the fragile Richard, is going to get hurt. Instead, he decks Avery with one punch. (I can’t believe I was rooting for a Hab here.) Avery gets up and comes at him again. Again Richard decks him with one punch. His coach smiles. Richard tries to get into the penalty box figuring the fighting business is over, but Avery comes at him again and Richard proceeds to pummel him in the box. Yes there’s nothing like a hockey fight, even if it is staged.

All right, so it’s no real secret that on the first season of jackass we’d pilfered a number of random moments and quickies—soon to be dubbed “transitions”—from Bam Margera’s first two CKY videos. Most of these were used as padding to fill the spaces between segments, or provide a quick “what, huh?” breather after a particularly long or thought-provoking piece. However, most of these never made it onto the later jackass DVD releases, hence the appearance of them here and now under the alluring title of “jackass not on DVD,” which may, in the near future, need to be changed to something else. I’ll let you fill in the marketing blanks from there, but goddamn, don’t you just admire Ryan Dunn’s style when it comes to taking a second story drop? Flawless.

Here’s another semi-lost jackass moment from the heavily abused shores of “Camp Pain” just outside of Orlando, FL, starring Bam Margera, Ryan Dunn, and Brandon Dicamillo. It’s a historically simple prank, although far less jarring in its modern day Looney Tunes usage versus the particularly hateful mob scene in the HBO John Adams mini-series. The tarring aspect here was pretty half-ass, all things considered, so the concept was later revisited during the great “Rube Goldberg” debacle from jackass the movie (on the very same person in the very same place, incidentally). Anyone remember that bit of “added value” from the jackass the movie DVD? This featurette could have easily been expanded into a feature-length documentary entitled “Three Days in Hell: The Rube Goldberg Story,” one that surely would have rivaled Coppola’s Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse in its scope of cinematic madness.