jackassworld

Part 1 of the jackassworld road trip, in which our intrepid travelers—Wee Man, Chris Pontius, Danger Ehren, Preston Lacy, Mike Kassak, Loomis Fall, JxPx Blackmon, Scott Manning, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Mike G., Rick Kosick, and Sean Cliver—assemble at the office by dawn’s early light, all aside from one—Dave England—who arrives substantially later only to more or less willingly consume his own urine with minimal prodding. Special guest appearances by Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Tremaine, and Dave Carnie, all of whom bid fond farewell and good fucking riddance to the caravan.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2008)

Here’s another post Gumball Rally moment from 2001, when the guys were living large in the cultural mecca of Paris and peeing and pooping all over the place. Warning: There is a certain frenetic Blair Witch video quality to contend with here, so do proceed with caution if you’re currently taking any mood-altering substances or get easily upset when the boat rocks. But amid the wacky camera movements, see if you can figure out who exactly is tinkling in such an uncomfortably close and confined public manner. It’s like “Where’s Waldo?” with a penis!

If you enjoyed this urinary moment or just like pee-pee in general, check out these:

• Bam Margera pees in New York City during the week leading up to the 24-hour takeover:

http://www.jackassworld.com/blog/2008/03/10/bam-drinks-pee/

• Steve-O gets a deluxe golden shower from an Indian elephant:

http://www.jackassworld.com/videos/1581755/210348

• Johnny Knoxville gives Jeff Tremaine a wet wake-up call:

http://www.jackassworld.com/blog/2008/09/04/jackass-kinda-sorta-unseen-%E2%80%93-knoxville-peeing-on-tremaine/

After an exciting week with way more ups than downs, I wanted to write a little bit about our adventure and the people who went on it. (more…)

Following our previous night out in San Jose at the Blank Club, a bar owned by former professional skateboarder Corey O’Brien, the guys motivation to get up and do much of anything was greatly diminished. Plus, no one was really looking forward to the prospect of hitting up the new Lake Cunningham skate park first thing out of the gate. So with the help of our San Jose “fixer” Reeps and Santa Cruz music mogul Sneaky Greg, we hooked up a backyard mini-ramp session to ease into the day. Wee Man made workable use of the ramp’s awkward extension, while Chris Pontius finally felt like getting back onboard following his extreme hamster ball experience at Moñtana de Oro.

Mid-afternoon we followed Reep’s over to the new multi-million dollar Lake Cunningham park, which is basically the equivalent to an Olympic training facility for skateboarders. Some real architectural masturbation went into this shapely pile of concrete, the vast majority of which was lost on us. Or maybe we were just being babies because the park required full pads and the people operating it refused to sign the paperwork we needed for filming purposes. Anyway, the park is scary big and I guess it took out three people the previous day, one of which included legendary professional Steve Caballero, who was practicing for the upcoming World Cup/Tim Brauch memorial contest on Sunday, September 28. I’d brashly assumed the place was going to be too big and daunting for the average kid, but there was a 12-year-old girl doing frontside grinds in the big bowl, while a 4-year-old boy was rolling into shit that I wouldn’t even consider doing in full Road Warrior pads. So at this rate, who knows, maybe a whole new breed of X-Gaymes skater will emerge. Hopefully the little bastards will have the foresight not to do any reality TV shows about their dramatic lives. We left Lake Cunningham without ever pulling our boards out of the van and instead grabbed some 12-packs and went over to another backyard mini-ramp construction for an infinitely more fun and relaxing time.

The night eventually ended for us back at the Blank Club, where we learned, once again, that alcohol, Morrissey cover bands, and live webcasts don’t always mix. Dave England committed a few online no-nos that will probably result in our Ustream account being banned, but oh well! Enjoy this shit while it lasts. Thanks again to Corey and Reeps for showing us some good old fashioned hospitality while we were in town!

(photo by Sean Cliver; San Jose, CA; 2008)

Following our live night out in San Luis Obispo (the feed of which did not include a random hairdressing moment between Preston Lacy, Ehren McGhehey, and Chris Pontius in the wee hours of the morning), everyone was a bit slow off the mark to rally in the parking lot for a breakfast run—everyone being Dave England, that is. After a good 45 minutes of everyone standing around in the parking lot—everyone not including Dave, that is—we finally loaded up the vans and sent one in the direction of Montaña de Oro to do some inflatable prep work, while the other pulled out of the hotel and literally drove 50-fucking-feet across the street to park at a breakfast spot. (I don’t know, for whatever reason this struck me as funny at the time.) Anyway, after a mass ingestion of the Butter Barn’s cholesterol bomb, we headed out to the coastal cliffs to join professional workhorses JxP Blackmon, Scott Manning, and Mike Kassak. Most everyone enjoyed the very scenic overlook of the Pacific Ocean (the majestic beauty of which prompted Dave to shit his ass out, while Preston simultaneously unloaded his biscuits and poached egg in a remarkably unrelated bodily incident a few bluffs over), but not so much the sight of a fully-inflated, Zorb-like, clear vinyl ball wedged into the ice plants atop a sizable sand dune. The only one who didn’t shy away from the idea of seemingly whimsical roll down the dune and onto the beach below was Chris Pontius (if only because he’d done something very similar in Russia on Wildboyz). But, as we soon found out, no two rolls are apparently the same; in fact, this one was a lot more like a “car crash,” in Chris’s own descriptive words. At least it was one he could still walk away from, though, because the futuristic jellyfish of an orb was not so fortunate. It was pronounced dead on arrival.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Los Osos, CA; 2008)

I have to admit there are certain perks to traveling in the company of “celebrities.” Case in point, on the second day of our road trip we stopped at a legendary Central Coast skate spot in Morro Bay known as “Giant Food,” a long semi-transitioned bank with a semi-transitioned curbish-lip on top. The bank has long succumbed to the effects of time and erosion, but that didn’t stop Mike Kassak and Dave England from whipping out a number of tricks. Nor, for that matter, did the police officer who rolled up mid-session. We all expected to be getting the traditional boot, but instead the officer just hopped out to watch for a while. I’ve said it before (at a strip club in Las Vegas for Greg Wolf’s bachelor party, specifically) and I’ll say it again: It certainly does help to have the “Golden Midget” in your back pocket to bridge any and all potentially troublesome encounters.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Morro Bay, CA; 2008)

After jamming with Steve-O on “Time To Die,” we hit the northbound road around 2:00pm with a set destination of the California Central Coast region—Los Osos, specifically. Supposedly there was this kick-ass park to be found there and, sure enough, it was indeed kick-ass. Alas, we only had about an hour of daylight remaining, but the park ranger—or at least that’s what she was dressed like—was kind enough to keep the park open past its normal hours of operation. Unsurprisingly, Mike Kassak killed it, but Wee Man, Chris Pontius, Dave England and even Ehren McGhehey were able to log some footage. Me, I just hung out on the flat bar in the corner, because the size and scope of this park was a bit—no, make that much beyond my limited abilities. Anyway, we skated up until the twilight, at which point we broke for a dinner of baby-sized burritos and Kassak picked up his new nickname of “Blue Eyes.” After a ripping downhill roll to the bar from our hotel, we went live from the corner of an Irish-themed bar in downtown San Luis Obispo around 11:45pm. The guys all periodically came over to talk about the road trip and anything else that came to mind, which, in the end, didn’t amount to much but was still fun (aside from those two random English blokes of course). I think we topped out at 30 viewers by Ustream accounting methods, all of whom must have been tickled pink to catch us in all our inane, semi-inebriated glory.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Los Osos, CA; 2008)

So here we are on the “cutting edge of technology,” as Rick Kosick just said. I’m sitting shotgun in a mini-van headed up the 101N and I’m online and working. What the fuck. So much for the good old days. Anyway, here we are on the first (and hopefully not last) jackassworld road trip. The idea for this first originated with Wee Man and Rick Kosick as a simple skateboard park tour a month or so back, but it swiftly ballooned from there to include triple the amount of people with Chris Pontius, Dave England, Ehren McGhehey, Preston Lacy, Mike Kassak, Loomis Fall, Scott Manning and JxPx Blackmon.

Everyone met at the office this morning bright and early at 9:00am with hopes of getting out and on the road to Steve-O’s place in Pasadena (even Johnny Knoxville rolled his ass out of bed to see the troops off to battle), but we all wound up having to wait for England to show up in his creepy conversion van, which ultimately set us back a good hour from the originally scheduled departure time. He more than made up for the delay though, by skating up with a nearly full bottle of pale yellow liquid, which could, of course, be only one thing. With but a little prodding from Knoxville and the promise of becoming a Navy SEAL, Dave soon chugged the entire bottle in cradle-to-cradle fashion, thereby christening the trip in a wholly befitting manner.

Look for daily photos and updates from this trip to post throughout the week, as Josh is supposed to set up a stand-by marquee on the site for semi-spontaneous streamings—provided he can set down the bananas for a minute, that is.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2008)

From the overall coloring of his urine it’s safe to say that Dave England is a very well hydrated individual. Well, it’s either that or he hasn’t been getting enough raw vitamin content in his food. Whatever the case, Dave successfully chugged a near 32 fluid ounces of his own pee. He also managed to hold down all 100-percent of it, while several others around him—mainly Johnny Knoxville—were having a hard time keeping the contents of their own stomach in check.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2008)

My timing is a little off on this post, but then again time itself was a little askew throughout the whole jackassworld 24-hour takeover of the MTV studios in general. Sure, it was only on air for 24 hours in all, but there were several hundred man-hours leading up to that fateful weekend in February that made for a surreal time indeed. And it seems even more so now, if only because all of the footage slid into the jackassworld cellar so damn fast it felt just like one of those mystery poos. You know, where you know for a fact that you’ve just eked out a BM, but when you go to take that last look in the bowl prior to flushing it is nowhere to be found. Not even a smear! (more…)