jackassworld

I used to go to this BMX track when I was a tyke. It was crazy, seemed to large-scale for standard bikes, but these older kids would take it on.

“How light is your bike,” I asked one of them?

“Fifty-pounds.”

I was flabbergasted, and told my cohorts. As far as we all knew, it was the lighter bikes that lent more to stunts and tricks. I never forgot that day and comment and write about it today so the world will know. (more…)

Rudy Jones, Contributor to Confidence

Do you have trouble talking to girls you don’t know? Are you gay? Do you have white hair? I do! You’ve probably heard of me around America, I’m Rudy. (more…)

Right after I first relocated to California in 1992, I chose to drop everything I had learned and reinstate my “education” via the mannerisms of Jeff Tremaine. His key saying rested, as “art is my life,” a token of wisdom that I found contained more joy and innovation within than the crap that people in Middle America thought up. (more…)

I guess I am a fully grown adult-type person. I only seem to watch the nightly news. I don’t have cable, or else I would watch CNN. The CNN building is near my pad, and sometimes I go up there and watch their outside monitor. None of this is very fun. Also, I listen to talk radio a lot and this plus the news adds up to a lot of carnage. I don’t really understand it all; nor do I understand why that is all I watch. I am lazy: I tried to be a TV writer and failed. As a result I thought so much about TV that it just kind of blurs together. (more…)

The desert. That is where it is, that is the mood. Myself and all the others I know have offices in the desert, but this is my office. It is my desert office. My real office is here but after I leave here I go back to the desert office, where there is a certain mood. There is no smell of pussy, only the smell of beer. Trash bags fill up. (more…)

Fay Dipper (try a text message, idiot!)

…actually, something going by such a title might “end up” being more interesting, or so you will see. I have been using computers for a long time, as well as being alive for a considerable amount. I have nothing to say healthily about Twitter.com, a website that for some reason is popular. In a recent article in Time magazine they wrote: “It’s like Facebook,” but without the Facebook—in a nutshell all it is is writing what you are doing like on Facebook, but with none of the other attributes therein. They talk about it on the radio, too, this geek guy on AM 640 on the weekends. He met a man that had 50 people coming after him on Twitter, and then the radio guy added himself to the list. Rare. (more…)

Tina Slab is currently 19-years-old. She is a redneck with a clearly spoken southern accent. Tina’s loving family consists of a top quality Mastiff lion-hunting dog, a retired bisexual she calls Dad, and a retarded young girl who lives in a bubble with an artificial heart named Maslee. (more…)

We all know what we’re talking about here, so cut the crap! You know you came here as a little kid, and then again when you were all grown up. You photographed the Hollywood sign, you got a tattoo; maybe even got some of the tail we have going around here. At any rate, me, the rest, i.e., we continue to flail away at entertaining the masses every single day. Hollywood will continue to struggle for “true culture:” to find what it never did, in of course a relaxed state. It is relaxing, but the foreigners themselves are the uptight ones. (more…)

License to Shred

More of a mental thing than anything situated in the pants. I still have this computer they bought me at the office. The thing sucks, but the people rule. Last night I was thinking, I don’t need people for anything but today it is all-cool. The people are cool again. On my computer that I use when I am on top of the world in the mornings here and in America, I have a license to shred: one thing, I don’t write down what I plan to do; it is more of a fly by the seat of my pants situation here at jackassworld. If you don’t know, ask somebody and they will tell you that it is—graduate from high school and you can be the same. Knoxville hired me cuz I had some THC in my system, this is the place to be, there is a bong right next to me, next to my can of Coke. I drink Coke in the mornings when I write here cuz I am a writer that drinks Coke when I do writing work here at the office where they still have the computer they got me so I could entertain the masses by doing so forth. (more…)

California was not my style either, but I worked hard and tried to make it my own. There are many things different about this place from where you most likely live. There is sex everywhere and people make movies about it and edit out the farts for you. There are blonds on rollerskates and sexy latinas everywhere. This actually isn’t true. There are all kinds of sports cars, they are all here. You can buy pot and hash at stores instead of from shady dudes. There are beach hunks and beach babes galore. I live very far from the beach, but sometimes I see what I call “a real California person.” You can tell by their appearance that they are. (more…)