jackassworld

Someone started wiping boogers on the wall above the toilets. One day I was peeing and after I got bored looking at my tiny penis, my eyes started wandering around the bathroom until they stopped on a giant booger on the wall. It was gross, but kind of funny. A booger on the wall. I imagined some dude standing there peeing, holding his dick in one hand, and the other hand is jammed up his nose mining for gold. (more…)

So there was an ’80s vert contest last weekend hosted by Tony Hawk’s shredordie.com and Quiksilver. I was asked to be a judge. I’ve never been asked to be a judge at a skateboard contest before. I don’t know if I’ve ever been asked to judge anything before? I don’t know why. I’m very judgmental. That’s all I do all day: I judge people and their things. I mean, if you’re going to hire someone to work on your car, you’d want them to be a mechanic that is familiar with cars, right? (more…)

http://www.disposablethebook.com/

I guess if I’m going to plug my fake skateboard company, Whale Cock, then I should probably make my way around the office and see if anybody else has a site they’d like to selfishly plug. What better place to start than with Sean Cliver’s book of skateboard graphics Disposable. To Sean’s credit, he didn’t ask me to do this. I just like his book and looking at old skateboard graphics. You will too if you’d quit reading this drivel and click on the damn link, dummy.

http://www.repealday.org/

On the December 5 in the year 1933, our government made the sobering decision to allow us to get drunk again, legally, by ratifying the 21st amendment which repealed the 18th amendment. Prohibition was over and we could once again enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of alcohol on our lips again. So raise your glass today to the 21st amendment. Cheers!

http://www.cnbc.com/id/28051860

I heard about this this morning and giggled my ass off. But now it’s gone mainstream. Whoa!

While watching this clip from season two, a lot of thoughts went through my brain. I don’t really know how to put them all together, so I’m just going to make a list. (more…)

Christmas approaches. That means you probably have to buy crap for other people. Throughout the month, I’ll be offering some easy, yet delightful, suggestions for the people in your life that you actually have to get gifts for. One of the easiest gifts I find to get for people is what I refer to as “toilet books.” These are usually small, silly books, that you leave around your toilet for your guests to read while they’re attending to their business. (more…)

There was a third BMTG that appeared in the pages of Big Brother, you can read it here. But after six years of Black Metal Thanksgiving I had failed to find any more interesting ways to write about the subject, so instead I created a book review aimed at people like Dave England who refused to give up their belief in Santa Claus (read “God”).

At the last BMTG, however, something interesting occurred. (more…)

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

I still haven’t even finished reading this very informative website. You’d think someone like me, who farts constantly, would know everything there is to know about farts. Apparently I do not. There is much to be learned on the subject. For instance, “Is it harmful to hold in farts? There are differences in opinion on this one. Certainly, people have believed for centuries that retaining flatus is bad for the health. Emperor Claudius even passed a law legalizing farting at banquets out of concern for people’s health.  There was a widespread belief that a person could be poisoned or catch a disease by retaining farts. Doctors I have spoken to recently have told me that there is no particular harm in holding in farts. Farts will not poison you; they are a natural component of your intestinal contents. The worst thing that can happen is that you may get a stomach ache from the gas pressure. But one doctor suggested that pathological distention of the bowel could result if a person holds in farts too much. And Dr. P. said that the effort involved in retaining flatus can cause hemorrhoids.” Very interesting.

http://www.burpsandfarts.com/

I should be working for this site. I have been at this site for over a day now. And I’m not leaving. Good day, sir!