jackassworld

The Mumbling Elk originally appeared as an advertisement buried in the back of Big Brother issue 29 in 1997. It was largely ignored by America, but apparently it became very popular in Europe. Is America ready for the Mumbling Elk ten years later? Based on this new advertising campaign, someone seems to think so.

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http://www.mediabistro.com/agencyspy/online/scatology_for_zune_101066.asp

Oh this is a great ad. GREAT, I say. This sort of thing doesn’t come up that often, but when it does, both Cliver and I go, “What’s her name again?” Her name is Mila. And she’s a disgusting Russian porn star. Although that’s kind of redundant, isn’t it. Anyway, this link you can watch. Mila? You’re on your own there, comrade.

http://www.propeller.com/story/2008/11/15/cops-find-drunk-german-with-record-alcohol-level/

Germans can drink. Tania and I were in Vegas last summer and we finally visited the Hofbrau house off the strip. They had all kinds of contests and shit going on while we ate, one of which was a female beer chugging contest. A dozen or so women got up in front of the restaurant and were handed a giant mug of beer that was probably the equivalent of maybe two pints. We immediately put our bets on the giant eastern European woman on the end. And then when she admitted in a very thick German accent that she was from Germany, we knew it was all over. No shit, her beer was gone in six seconds. I want to go to Germany so bad.

http://yadogg.com/pictures/vinyl-sleeve-heads/

Here is yet another reason why vinyl is cool. If we ever do a “Dave’s Cool Shit,” I might pull out my Big Black “Songs About Fucking” album.

http://www.catbuttmuseum.com/

I could blather on and on about this one, but there’s really nothing else to say. It’s a cat butt museum.

http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2008/12/17

I think the kid needed to cuss more and maybe slam the sandwich into his mom’s face, but otherwise, well played, well played indeed

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081217/ap_on_fe_st/odd_hitler_cake

No, don’t just buy a cake and a tube of icing and do it yourself. No, make a big stink about it and cause a hassle. You’re making a point. You need to let the people know. It’s about freedom of speech, man. You have to deliver your message. You need to be heard. You need to let everyone know YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT.

http://bacontoday.com/turbaconducken-turducken-wrapped-in-bacon/

This one actually made the rounds just before Thanksgiving, so I apologize if this would have appealed to your Thanksgiving Day menu. But it’s still the holidays and if you have a special dinner planned, maybe now’s the time to try this one. Conceptually, this thing is awesome, but after seeing the photos, I say, “Nuh-uh.” When it comes to meat, there’s a line between “Mmmmm,” and, “Ew!” The difference usually has to do with quantity. The insides of one sausage casing? Mmmm. A 500-gallon vat of sausage meat? Ew!

Up until I saw this video, I thought Bill Weiss could only do two things on a skateboard: kickturns and nude 540s. But, apparently, the man can do 50/50s as well. Three tricks! I’m not sure when he learned those because every time I’ve seen him do a nude 540, it’s out of a kickturn. How? I have no idea. I can barely get enough speed out of a kickturn to do a rock and roll. Bill somehow manages to get enough speed to get above coping and flip his body around. Amazing. And I’m not even sure what I like better, when he makes it or when he doesn’t make it? Because the bails are about as entertaining as the makes, if not more so. I remember one in particular where he slid out and got masonite burns all over his butt. He just came to screeching halt on the flat bottom. Literally “screeching.” On top of that, his cock and balls got all tangled up underneath him as well. It was horrible. But he got up and made the fuckin’ thing. I don’t know how he does it. (more…)

I enjoy drinking during the day, but I had to stop because it was interfering with work. Knoxville, however, has found a way to drink during the day and the drinking is considered “work”: Those One Shot, One Beer—I can never keep it straight because there ain’t one of nothing, but whatever they’re called, they’re genius. I wish I had thought of it. Because the only reason he does them is so he can get drunk with his friends during working hours. Again, genius. That’s why he’s the boss. Maybe I should start a segment called “One Bottle of Wine, and One Children’s Book,” and then I’ll just sit there and get drunk while reading a children’s book to the camera. There’s a lot of children’s literature out there, so the segment would have a long life. (more…)