jackassworld

The following has nothing to do with the photo above, but you should really be used to that by now. Especially if you’ve made it this far into the paragraph you goofy motherfucker. Sorry, just checking to see if you’re still with me. Anyway, what it is, is a treatment that was written during the first season of jackass (actually, the idea came about during the filming of the pilot in early 2000), but was not approved, e.g. shot down, by the departmental powers-at-be at MTV. It was, however, pocketed for a later permitting date, time, and place, so see if you can connect the isotopes to figure out what eventually sprung from this conceptual germ: “Wherever there’s a hot new trend, jackass is there to quell the fire. This time around let’s soil the “fingerboard,” a tiny skateboard that kids “ride” with their fingers and play “fantasy skateboard” on a myriad of expensive miniature obstacles and/or household objects. Picking one up at the local toy store, Johnny Knoxville takes his purchase home and heads straight into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. When Johnny reemerges, we all hop into a car and head for his doctor’s office. Upon arrival, Johnny checks in with a “small problem” plaguing his bottom. Now here comes the fun part, because the first thing they do at a hospital—no matter what may be ailing you—is plop you down in front of an X-ray machine. Once they finish saturating Johnny’s rump with a small cloud of radiation, the developed X-ray will surely then be attached to a wall-mounted light box for all to see the tiny skateboard lodged within his rectum. This should look especially funny, but not nearly as funny as when the doctor instructs Johnny to drop his pants, lay down, and stick his feet into a pair of stirrups, as he reaches for a speculum to go in for some hardcore spelunking.”

(photo by Ben Kaller; Orlando, FL; 2002)