jackassworld

A Halloween costume classic. Just make sure to differentiate yourself from every other Devil Himself out there by scenting yourself with Eau du Brimstone, packing an artificial War Hammer in your tights, and boasting a controversial slogan of sorts. Note: Wrestling skills not included.

So we’re only a few days off from All Hallow’s Eve this Saturday night and if you haven’t figured out what you’re going to dress up as yet you’re pretty much up shit costume creek. Sure, you can brave the equally desperate thrift store crowds and come out looking like one of the Olson twins that afternoon, or you can search around your house and “kitchen sink” it like we’ve done so many times on jackass (or at least up until our ever trusty and always shady propmaster JxPx Blackmon joined the crew). Whatever the case, should you be coming up clueless with an impending party on the Halloween front, here are a few quick ideas from your fiends at jackassworld. But if all else fails, you can always go as Danzig. Or Wolfie. In fact, lucky you! I think we still have that “mask” of his buried somewhere here in the photographic archive (superfluous body hair not included).

No, it’s not the Little Prince. It’s the Wee King! (Not to be confused with the Guided By Voices majesty of rock song “Weed King”.) But if you’re anything over 4-foot 7-inches tall then don’t bother. Seriously. You’ll just look like a Beeper or Sofa King at best.

Now if you’re afraid of crazed shopping crowds or concerned about having the same costume as some other partygoer then this is definitely the one for you. Upside: Nobody is going to be throwing elbows at you while you’re at the seafood market buying 50-odd pounds of raw calamari. Downside: Don’t expect anyone to stand next to you at the party. Further downside: Alfred Hitchcock’s fantastic thriller The Birds (1963) just may become your scary reality (although it never became Knoxville’s so go figure).

Most people are so annoyingly hell-bent on out-clevering everyone else at the party with their costume that they totally overlook the surprising beauty of the basics. Especially if your body type can bring something extra to the table. By the way, is it just me or does anyone else see the potential for this photo in like a Vogue or W magazine fashion spread?

If you’re in the biking scene then here’s something you may want to consider: a hybrid medieval affair with white trash suburban undertones. Remember: Drinking and driving is bad, but drinking with a knight’s helmet on is even worse—especially if the faceplate keeps falling down. Not only does it make drinking problematic, it makes puking absolutely horrifying.

Again, if you’re anything taller than say Shanna then you need not apply for this costuming selection. Chances are you’ll need a seamstress, too, and on short notice (ha!) I doubt that’s gonna come cheap. In which case you better move on to…

…Danger Ehren! You too can be the life (or death) of the party whether you’re the skinnier Ehren of old or chubbier Ehren of present. Just takes a simple mechanic’s jumpsuit, a random helmet, goofy shades, and an arsenal of low caliber jokes. Best of all, following the party you can simply lose the costume altogether. Just like Ehren did after jackass the movie in 2002.

Lastly, should you be of more cultural stock, a/k/a European, you may want to go the refined fine art route a la Auguste Rodin. However, if you don’t want to disappoint, make sure you’ve got something going on beforehand to make that leaf worthwhile. Warning: The consumption of red wine while wearing this costume has been known to have adverse effects of a menacing sort. So please take this into consideration and avoid making any kids cry.

(all photos by Sean Cliver, aside from the drunken green menace at the bottom—that one comes courtesy of Dimitry Elyashkevich; 2000-2001)