jackassworld

Can you remember the first time your midjit showed you how he could kick himself in his own head? I can. We were on the shores of Camp Pain (again) killing time in the meager amount of shade that could be had, when Wee-Man proved he could do just that. Foot to the forehead. Bop! This was funny, but what’s really funny is that this was one of the few unintended moments that made it onto the big screen with jackass the movie over several other intended moments that had a butt-ton more time, dollars, and effort behind them and became nothing more than DVD bonus segments (and some not even that).

So what’s the life lesson to be learned here? It’s the little things in life. Go on, take your best David and Goliath scenario. Nine-times-out of ten it will be the metaphorical David that wins out—unless David just so happens to be the name of one of those guys standing in line for Howard Stern’s “smallest penis” contest, in which case David does not win. I mean, I’m not exactly boasting anything beyond a common garter snake myself, but some of these guys weren’t even in the realm of a snake. They were turtles! With heads tucked in the shell! Oddly enough, they all seemed more than happy to be standing there in line to be judged on their supreme lack of penile merit. Good for them. I think? I don’t know. I’m just a lot more appreciate of what I’ve got to work with now, because when you’re standing alongside Chris Pontius and he’s flaunting the War Hammer (again) you really can become hyper-critical of your own manhood.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Orlando, FL; 2002)