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Now I want to be very clear in saying that there is no substantial proof or historical record that this is a nationally observed holiday anywhere in the world. Yet here it is found on the Enterweb anyway. Curiouser still is that the word “nut” has several varied definitions. It’s a seed, edible or otherwise. It’s a metal fastener. It’s part of a musical instrument. It’s a code word for the mentally insane. It’s an acronym for the National Union of Teachers. It’s what happens when your penis explodes. And it can mean even more things, both formal and informal. So exactly what the hell are we supposed to celebrate on this highly questionable occasion? Since no one else has stepped up to officially claim the day, let’s take it for ourselves and give it some concrete substance. So, from this day forth, in perpetuity throughout the universe and beyond, National Nut Day will honor the male testes. There. Put that in Wikipedia, nerds. All hail the male nut! In commemoration of this now highly auspicious day, we are proud to present an ode to Johnny Knoxville’s boyhood game of “Nutball”, where the boys put their junk on the line for the betterment of mankind … although it really is very reminiscent of that scene with the monkeys in Stanley Kubrick’s landmark science fiction film 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968).

Just another day at the office (actually this wasn’t the office … it was Dave England’s living room when he lived up in Portland, OR).

Screw baseball. This should be the new all-American pastime.

The inevitable aftermath to any segment: Fruit wrestling with Danger Ehren.

What first starts in must then go out. Chris Pontius and Danger Ehren take it to the grass and go for the ass. Just another day at the fraternity!

(All photos by Sean Cliver; Portland, OR; 2001)

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