jackassworld

“i’m not really gay … i’m more of a jack-off in front of the mirror guy.”
—chris pontius

“would anyone mind if i stabbed kosick?”
—johnny knoxville, while holding a fork at dinner with the crew following the one bourbon shoot with mike judge (three days later he stabbed sean cliver instead)

“his eyes pour forth light from heaven.”
—lauren graham, describing her jared leto sighting in hollywood

“if you drown with a life vest on you are a loser.”
—rick kosick, talking to wolfie about learning to swim

“don’t thank me, thank kfc.”
—preston lacy, on his being great boat ballast for wakesurfing

“i didn’t even know he did it i’m so blown out down there.”
—johnny knoxville, after returning from a routine urethra check-up at the doctor’s office

“we all have our addictions. some of us buy crack. others buy obscure k-tel records from the ’70s.”
—mike g., defending wolfie’s … elclectic? … music collection

“if i do this all day will you guys do my work for me?”
—shanna, while trying her hands at the shake weight™

“your grandmother is a fucking whore. because you know who makes stuff with velvet? whores.”
—jeff tremaine, complimenting one of the nitro circus editors on his velvet jacket