jackassworld

Plodding in the famous barbaric footfalls of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sir Chris Pontius clanks his way around the rental grounds of an annual Renaissance Faire in Long Beach, California, in search of a Wee pesky dragon. Amid the quest, Sir Pontius entertains several ye olde run-ins with nitwit knaves, drunken dames, hammy harlots, and humorless halfwits stuck in the medieval era of yore. But the mead was good. Aye, the mead was good indeed, as were the bustiers, which as far as I can tell really are the only perks to attending these throwback festivals. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good broad sword as much as anyone, but I’m holding out for what surely must be the next great festival event on the horizon: Fantasy Football Faires.

Lest you fear that this olde segment had gone the way of Brigitte Nielsen’s barbaric flop Red Sonja (1985), fear not, for “Pontius the Barbarian” will digitally reign forevermore on the forthcoming jackass: the lost tapes DVD release (available October 13, 2009).

Trivial jackass effluvium: Following this shoot in the late summer of 2000, a rousing mead-induced singalong was sung within the confines of the van (much to the dismay of production coordinator, van driver, and Dave Matthews Band fan Scott Potasnik) to the tune of Iron Maiden’s classic galloping track “Sun and Steel” off their fourth studio album Piece of Mind (1983).

(photo by Sean Cliver; Long Beach, CA; 2000)