jackassworld

I recently read an old article intro in Big Brother written by Tremaine talking about the fear he and the staff had in their hearts before a skate road trip. It might have even been one of the first trips they did … maybe the Midwest tour in ‘94? Or maybe it was Mardi Gras? Whatever. But I know exactly what he was talking about. The fear. The sheer terror and thrill of the unknown; you’re not sure where you’re going, but you’re strapped in and Kosick is there. You know you can count on Cliver for some fucked-up inside joke but you will never be prepared for what Carnie’s gonna do. Dimitry fades in and out. Jeff is behind the wheel. Then I was like, Wait a second. Whoa? Tremaine can write?

With The Big Brother Memoir’s rough-cut deadline looming in the shadows, I’ve recently taken the time, as in right now, to reflect on the things (with the help of some photos) that may have stood in the way of me having more work done.

1. I find myself, more times often than not, obsessing about how I can somehow incorporate weird, archaic ’90s technologies into my editing style. Plus people, read those labels. You know I’m wasting time checking out those rarely heard interviews. Larry Flynt. Slayer!

2. Finally opened that Christmas present from Dickhouse. Drinking moonshine is pretty much self-explanatory when it comes to my investigation on time wasting.

3. Jackassworld screen sabatoges. I think this bowl of dicks was from Tim. Yay! Thanks, Tim.

4. I’ve gone on a few One Bourbon shoots this summer. Man, are those fun. But … they inspire me to drink. So, yeah. Time flies. This is a promo item that was at Mike Judge’s place for his latest movie when Knoxville interviewed him there. Yeah, I was creepin’.

5. Dimitry. By the way, does this scare anyone? It’s a little frightening to me.

6. Rock Band. Okay, not really, but Dimitry and the girls love it. And I’m always around. Soooo…

7. Dimitry’s pool. Are you noticing a pattern here, people?

8. Text messaging. This is a constant time waster and giggle causer. But, for any Big Brother fans who know what’s up, “KOSOVO” was one of the names the Big Brother staff would write on the desks at the offices to harass Rick Kosick, along with Kosi666, drawings of red devil Ricks, etc. You get the idea. So now you understand my complete and utter joy upon seeing that my automatic word-maker-text-message-thingy typed out “Kosovo,” when I went to type Kosick’s name into a text recently.

9. Lack of interns. Look at this list. This list was a shining light in my future. That dream ever so quickly faded. I had an intern named Hannah for two days. She got stolen by The Dudesons. What can I say, she’s a cute blond and they are Finnish. But man, look at how neatly she transcribed Carnie talking to Larry Flynt about his chicken fucking days. Oh well.

10. New tattoos. This is a cover up of a rose tattoo that Kosick thought was a wound from riding my bike. I didn’t ask for his opinion this time. That doesn’t mean I didn’t hear it. I met the amazing artist Milford who inked me when we interviewed Lance Conklin, a pro skater, about going to Disneyland with Slayer and Big Brother.

11. Any night around 10:41pm I usually start wondering what’s going on outside. I quickly changed my screensaver on my phone to this. It’s been working. Kind of. And if doesn’t work it also doubles as a “drunken text or email stopper.” That has only had about a 50% success rate as well.

12. Lack of organization and time management in general.

13. The Roosevelt Hotel. I’ve been to WAY too many pool parties. I bet this photo was taken right after I told Jared Leto his music video was off the hook. Yeah. That happened. Drunken party blogs have gotten to know me this summer. Not a good look.

14. Terrible, terrible hangovers. Cliver had to drive my car to San Diego and he and Rick called me Wolfie ALL day. But it was well deserved. I got them lost and slept a lot. And I almost, no joke, threw up in Ken Block’s* really nice office.

15. Last but not least. Stuff like this in general. Obsessing about everything but the task at hand. 1:51am. Yeah.

* The DC Shoes kingpin and Gymkhana champ.

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