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So you’ve already seen Jesco and Mamie White let loose on the red carpet of the LA Film Fest debut of The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. Now see what happened in all the hours leading up to the event as producer Storm Taylor showed ‘em the sights around town: namely a big truck and Johnny Knoxville. For a textual accompaniment, here’s some words from everyone’s favorite triple white convertible Cabriolet-driving hick…

LA Film Festival with Jesco and Mamie White: A Weekend of Firsts

by Storm Taylor

1. It’s the first time I’ve been bumped from a flight for being one minute late to check-in.

2. It’s the first time my down-time lounging by the pool was sucked dry by Delta Airlines.

3. It’s the first time I’ve seen Jesco wave at all of the airport taxis … thinking that they were honking at him.

4. It’s the first time I’ve stayed at the ultra-cool Palomar Hotel.

5. It’s the first time I’ve suggested to hotel staff that they may want to empty the mini-bar.

6. It’s the first time I’ve eaten at Billingsley’s Steak.

7. It’s the first time I’ve heard Mamie White yell, “This steak ain’t cooked—it looks like poosy.”

8. It’s the first time I’ve managed to get Jesco and Mamie to bed before 3:00am.

9. It’s the first time Mamie White has called me at 4:00am yelling, “Go help Jesco, he’s lost in the hallways!”

10. It’s the first time I’ve seen Jesco wandering the hallways in a cowboy hat and his FTLs.

11. It’s the first time I’ve visited Venice Beach.

12. It’s the first time I’ve helped Mamie pick up “pipes” for the little ones back home.

13. It’s the first time I’ve seen a hippie that didn’t know how in the fuck to turn (or carve) while riding a skateboard.

14. It’s the first time a hippie has run into my ankle with his skateboard.

15. It’s the first time I actually uttered the words “Bring It!” to a hippie … or anyone else.

16. It’s the first time I’ve been called a “tourist” in any of my travels.

17. It’s the first time Mamie White realized that you needed a “prescription” to buy marijuana in LA … legally.

18. It’s the first time I had the pleasure to introduce Jesco and Mamie to Johnny Knoxville.

19. It’s the first time I met Mike Judge.

20. It’s probably the first time Mike Judge realized he was in the presence of a living cartoon (Jesco).

21. It’s the first time I could hear silverware drop in your fancy-ass LA bar after ordering a Miller High Life.

22. It’s the first time I’ve realized I should have brought my own … Smokey and The Bandit style.

23. It’s the first time I’ve carried a 12-pack of cans on the red carpet.

24. It’s the first time my red carpet attire featured the word “DANG” on it.

25. It’s the first time a bluegrass band escorted me down the red carpet.

26. It’s the first time the announcement “Mamie White needs to get smoked up before the movie can start” was heard over a PA system.

27. It’s the first time Jesco White saw the full-length movie. He said it was “very professional” and that they “looked like real people.”

28. It’s the first time I went five days on four hours of sleep per night.

29. It’s the first time I was eager to get back on the plane.

30. It’s the first time that, while trying to pay my parking lot bill back in Knoxville, TN, the card was declined because the hotel had charged everyone’s rooms on my card—including $400 fines for smoking—causing me to go into the negative.

31. It’s the first time I’ve written a blog about my trip to LA with Jesco and Mamie.

more wild whites:

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	more wild whites of west virginia on jackassworld