jackassworld

I know this looks like some abstract oil painting, but it’s not. It’s a picture of both my credit cards at the bottom of the Beverly Hills Hotel swimming pool. Why did they decide to go swimming, you ask? Well, they didn’t. They were drowned by my friend who we’ll call “Mr. Wang” to protect his identity. So “Mr. Wang” and I had just finished eating poolside at the same hotel where the book Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas started (me referencing Fear and Loathing was my feeble attempt at trying to make up for the fact that we were having lunch at a swanky hotel), when the waitress dropped off the check. Younger and quicker (and more handsome) I seized the bill and slid my credit card to the server. Demanding to pay, “Mr. Wang” seized it right back and sent my Mastercard sailing into the pool.

“You mother-f’er!” I thought and said.

Thinking quickly, but apparently not as quickly as “Mr. Wang,” I gave my Amex to the waitress for our tab. Well, that one was launched by my pal into the pool five-feet from the other card. I will admit at being a little awestruck at how far “Mr. Wang” managed to fling the cards. It was a good 30- to 40-feet with barely a flick of the wrist.

Anyway, that is my Mastercard in the middle of frame and my Amex lies bottom left. Some sweet little English kid jumped in and rescued my plastic while “Mr. Wang” smiled shittily and paid for the bill. Yep, no two ways about it, the bastard out-pricked me twice in 20 seconds. He was the better man today, but there’s always tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Knoxville

(photo by Johnny Knoxville; Beverly Hills, CA; 2009)

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