jackassworld

Up until the other day I never realized how much shit is seriously clogging up the pipes of Interweb servers worldwide. I mean this literally, of course, because with just one innocent Google search it becomes awfully apparent how hugely fascinated everyone is with poo. Just how big is it? Bigger than God! (No lie … the proof is in the search page results: SHIT = 211,000,000 vs. GOD = 67,000,000.) Quite the highly-evolved species, ain’t we? Maybe Freud wasn’t such an anal crackpot after all.

Anyway, at the tail end of my in-depth research into the buoyant facts behind the bodily waste we make, I was reminded of an article I’d penned about Boise, Idaho, during my tenure as editor on Big Brother skateboard magazine. Dimitry and I spent three days there documenting the local skateboard scene, the resulting photos of which, I felt, spoke for themselves. So when it came time to fill the textual void between the images for this article, I did so in accordance with Big Brother’s foremost editorial tenet in mind: You don’t write about skateboarding, you either do it or look at photos of it. Why the fuck would you read about it? So I wrote about something else that had caught my attention at the time: coprophilia.

Soon after that particular issue came out, though, I was confronted at a trade show by Gershon Mosley, a professional skateboarder whom we’d met up with in Boise. Rather angrily he told me that I’d done a gross injustice to the skaters of Boise by implying their city, state, and scene were on par with shit. This was of course not my intent and I positively hate it when anyone tries to philosophically grab-ass by reading between the lines of what someone has written. In fact, to this day, I still resent my high school World Literature teacher (even though she was kind of hot) for docking me a grade in my willingness to mentally let it ride that Gregor Samsa simply turned into a bug—nothing more, nothing less—in Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis. But no, it had to be something more than that. So how about this for an allegory: Suck it!

Incidentally, I was rather proud of that mixed-media turd I made for Mr. Potato Head. The human body—what a wonder it is!

more big brother:

	read: big brother blog archive
	watch: big brother video archive