jackassworld

When I first got into this whole Interweb business with jackassworld I was a few years behind the curve (that might even be putting it mildly), so I had no clue there was this Interweb-speak going on behind closed doors. All this “LOL,” “PMSL,” and “ROTFLMAO” stuff was a relatively new world to me, you could say, but then there was this whole other thing going on with backslashes and asterisks and whatever other symbols could be gleaned and repurposed off the computer keyboard. I still haven’t embraced it—and I won’t, I refuse to reduce the English language to grasshopper shorthand—but I have found it necessary to school myself on a few things just to know what’s being said by 99.9-percent of the community. A lot of what I’ve picked up, though, came from Nyte, our longtime resident PC-defending, Balsac-battling, World of Warcraft-raiding, self-professed nerd—something I can readily respect. Well, aside from the PC thing, but whatever. To each their own!

Who the hell are you, how old are you, and where are you from?

I am known by many names: Nyte, Nyteblade, or Mandi (well, okay, maybe not “many” names). I’m a whopping 33-years-old, soon to be 34. Me and Seth of the Wolf Den share a birthday, isn’t that special? I hail from Alpharetta, Georgia.

How and when did you first find out about jackassworld?

You guys know those little inserts MTV put into the jackass 2.5 DVDs? Yeah, well, they work. No, really. Noticed the insert, and found this wonderful place. I happened upon jackass during a late night and a bout of insomnia about March of last year, when jackass number two was on Showtime. I watched, I laughed … I threw up a little in my mouth. It’s been a downhill ride ever since, but one of those great rides where you throw your hands up in the air and shout, “Wheeee!” I am one of The Converted, one of those people who didn’t like jackass too much when it first came out. Then I realized that it was made by people with great senses of humor, and nothing is more appealing than people who can make me laugh.

Were you a little freaked out when the Russians invaded last year?

We do not speak of that day here, sir. For months afterward, I had nightmares where armies of mean-spirited Dimitrys, complete with ’70s porno mustaches, were everywhere. After starting a regimen of yoga, meditation, and heavy sedation, I was able to stop the night terrors. That recent post of Dimitry in Manny’s metalwork brought it all back. Thanks for that. I’m sending you guys the bill for my therapy.

What blood runs in your veins: Union, Confederate, or Corrupted?

Confederate and German. Prosit, ya’ll.

Give me some examples of derisive terms used between two diehard video gamers, a/k/a “guildies,” if you will.

Oh dear, you guys want to hear mocking and scornful? You’d be amazed how upset people get over pixels…

• QQ moar noob = Why don’t you cry about it a little more mama’s boy?
• epeen = An insult used when someone is bragging about how “leet” they are.
• L2P = (Learn to Play) Used primarily when someone whines about something being too difficult.
• DiaF = Die in a Fire.  While that may sound harsh, remember some characters can actually set one on fire. Not usually a real life threat. Unless you ninja’d a purple. Then you would be told to…
• STFU and GTFO = Shut the fuck up and get the fuck out.

Using this, we can make the sentence, “OMG, qq moar and l2p! u r a lolret using a sword and board ffs! STFU and GTFO, Alt F4 and go play Hello Kitty Island Adventure…n00b.”

Have you ever partaken in a virtual panty raid?

Of course! Who hasn’t? Happened on this very site as a matter of fact. There was raiding, there was pillaging, much fun was had by all.

Who would win in this fantasy fight: A 14th level paladin with a cast-iron codpiece and a two-handed broadsword, or the defensive line of the Atlanta Falcons fresh from the shower and armed with only the towels around their waists and a fistful of 12-sided die?

What are the stats on the codpiece? Is the Paladin specced for two-handed weapons? Is the broadsword enchanted with Greater Moongoose? Dammit, man… I need more details! Working with what you’ve given me and seeing as how the Atlanta Falcons can’t beat their way out of a wet paper sack recently, I’d have to go with the paladin. (I would like to state for the record that I have NEVER played Dungeons & Dragons nor have I ever owned a set of too many sided dice. If that means I have to turn in my Nerd Association card, so be it.)

Okay, who would win in this fight: an Apple Store “genius bar” employee armed with a 17-inch MacBook Pro and a 120-gig iPod or some PC-hawking stooge at Best Buy with a price point Dell and copy of Windows Vista?

Such a biased question you weave! Okay, okay … the Apple guy wins. But what would the Apple guy say when I ask, “Can I replace my video card or add another one for that new game that’s out next year?” Yeah, that’s what I thought. Say what you will about a PC, but if something goes wrong with Fancy Pants (what? yeah, all my rigs have had a name. You want to say something about it?) I can take her apart and fix what’s wrong.

Does every girl in Georgia talk like she’s about to swoon or faint every fourth syllable?

Only when we’ve been tail-gating during SEC football season.

Which Georgia-based movie describes the state best: Gone With the Wind or Deliverance?

Neither. I’m going to say Smokey and the Bandit.

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