jackassworld

Before viewing, if you so dare (or care), I’d like to make a few things clear. First of all, and perhaps most importantly, Rick Kosick would not let me have a drink before we filmed this. True, I probably should have tossed one back prior to his showing up on my doorstep, but I honestly didn’t think he’d cockblock me from the idea of loosening up a bit (and not only did he cockblock me but he called me a pussy, too!). So admittedly that was my fault. Second, my wife and I had recently viewed a marathon of “Kenneth the Web Page” segments on the Interweb, and I think I subconsciously drew upon the 30 Rock character’s cadence and demeanor while showing “you” around my house (or at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it). Lastly, I don’t speak much. I know, surprise, surprise, but I’d even go so far as to say that I was meant to be born mute had the basic genetic code for a larynx not caught a chromosomal toe-hold in the eleventh formative hour and left me with … well, this. I’d draw a vocal parallel to Geri, the palsied comedienne who frequently guest-starred on the NBC sitcom Facts of Life alongside Jo, Tootie, Blair and that other girl, but I’m guessing this might not strike a generational chord with most.

Anyway, this is some of the crap that brightens my material day, not to mention a perfect example of why this mumbling chimp stays behind the keyboard and not on camera. I’d also like to say that I never would’ve done this if I wasn’t feeling compelled to promote the release of my new book, The Disposable Skateboard Bible (available July 2009!).

(photo by Rick Kosick; Los Angeles, CA; 2009)

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