jackassworld

Prior to jackassworld I’d had no real exposure to the country of Hungary. It was just another one of those countries that make up the increasingly confusing puzzle pieces of Eastern Europe. (Say what you want about the former Soviet Union, but by god it certainly simplified the Eurasian map.) But now even bluegrass kids in Kentucky know what “Szia!” means. How great is that? Jackassworld: a place to watch people poo and learn foreign tongues! How exactly did I select Jana out of the whole Hungarian pack? She sent me an email the other day with Hungarian pronunciations for the names of prominent people in the jackassworld village. These were my favorites: Johnny Knoxville “Dzsáni Nákszvíl”; Crash “Kres”; Seth “Szet”; Wolfie “Vúlfíí”; and Roger Alan Wade “Rodzser Elen Véjd”—the last two of which sound positively straight out of Bela Lugosi’s dead larynx.

Who the hell are you, how old are you, and where are you from?

My name is Janka Zsuzsanna Zavada, 19-years-old, and I’m from Komló, Hungary. I don’t want to tell my whole life, but when I was seven or eight I decided I’d like to be a journalist someday. Today I work as a freelance music journalist for the school and I have to tell you I love this job! At the age of nine I fell in love with the USA. Since then, I know I need to live there, so watch out America! I’m coming.

How and when did you first find out about jackassworld?

2008, New Year’s Eve. Jackass The Movie was running on the TV. I was watching it with my friends and laughed my ass off on it. On the first day of 2009, I decided to search for jackass on the Internet. I immediately found this page, but I was brave enough to make an account only a few days later. And now there is no day I’m not hanging on the site. Thank you, jackassworld, you made me a freaking junkie!

How many other Hungarians have you met here on the site?

I’ve met a few fellow sufferers, but not too much. However, I found an incredible good friend here. She’s Ashlee Jackson, the Mianus-finger girl. She’s as Hungarian as me, but we didn’t know each other before. I think it’s a bit funny that two Hungarian people make friends on an English site, and I just wanted to say thank you for it!

Is it safe to assume that you all sound like vampires when you talk? You know, the whole “I vant to zuck your blood” accent?

I guess most people laugh about our language because it sounds like chaotic and pointless chicken shit most of the time.

You’re not related to Bela Lugosi by chance, are you?

Hmm… We sound like vampires and maybe some of us are descendants of Dracula. Well, I think I’m not related to him, but who knows. So keep a look out for your blood!

Do you wear black on the outside because that’s how you feel on the inside?

Do you mean I’m a depressed and insane person? No, I am not. I’m always smiling, laughing, and trying to make happy the others. I love to be in the center of attention and speak what’s on my mind. Then why do I wear black all the time? Because I simply love this color and that’s it.

If Norway has Turbonegro, Finland has H.I.M., Germany has Rammstein, and Romania has Zamfir, what band or musician does Hungary lay claim to?

I think we haven’t got any as big bands as the other European countries, but hey, we do have Imre Kertész, Ernő Rubik, and Krisztina Egerszegi.

What’s the difference between Hungary, Bulgaria, and Romania? I mean, couldn’t you all just be one big happy country and simplify Eastern European geography for American school children?

I’m sorry that we are so complicated. I think the school children in the USA could be happy that our country is as small as a flea fart. But I guess you should remonstrate with the three governments upon this.

Unicum: local liquor or unicorn ejaculate?

In my opinion this is the local unicorn ejaculate liquor.

Lastly, what are some good all-purpose Hungarian cuss words?

There are so many…
Bazd meg, Kurva anyád, Rohadj meg = Fuck you
Szar, Fos = Shit, Poop
Idióta, Barom, Köcsög, Faszkalap = Idiot
Az Isten bassza meg! = Goddamn it!
Punci, Pina = Vagina
Fing = Fart
Mell, Bici = Boob
Pénisz, Fasz, Biga, Lompos = Penis
Csöcs, Tőgy = Nipple
Balfasz, Faszfej, Hülyegyerek = Jerk
Ribanc, Kurva, Szajha = Bitch

In Hungary there is a tradition of damning. For example, my grandpa can cuss five minutes on end. We just love swearing hard, and love replacing the simple cuss words with long, endless sentences. Just some instances:

Az énekes koldusnak azt a hónaljmankós, méteres, kékeres, kóchengeres, rongyokba tekert, kacskaringós faszát, azt az agyába főtengelynek, hogy kapna lakást a tizediken, de se lift, se lépcső, hanem a görcs rángassa az emeletre! = Damn it!

Hogy az a szomorúszemű, csillagrázó kurva isten baszná bele a kócos, rongyba tekert, bedurrant kékeresre huzagolt köpcös faszát! = Fuck you!

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