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Long before Wildboyz was anywhere near a hint of sperm in Jeff Tremaine’s vas deferens, he first attempted to feed Steve-O and Chris Pontius to some sharks in the late summer of 2000 for jackass. We were novices with nature then—not yet friends with Manny Puig and Mark Rackley who would in time present us with a golden ticket to the animal kingdom—so a cross-eyed wad was shot off the coast of Florida when a boat was chartered to deliver the two ready-to-serve meat pies (and one slack-jawed mullet head) straight into the lair of the dreaded nurse shark.

For those who aren’t as ape-shit about the dwellers of the sea as we are, nurse sharks are one of the more docile of the cartilaginous fishes—leopard sharks being the most slobbery, puppy dog-like. To Steve-O’s credit (or perhaps the nurse shark’s), he did manage to provoke this gentle species into striking out and nipping his finger. Not that this took any great ingenuity on his part considering he broke every obvious rule of what not to do when floundering in the company of sharks.

Once everyone topside learned of what soon escalated into a full-fledged “shark attack,” smiles abounded from port to starboard—all except for the captain of the boat, that is, who frowned upon the incident and requested the footage not be shown due to some eco-shark legislation that was going down in Florida at the time. This came as quite a blow considering that all we were left with now was a nifty boat rental fee and some footage of Chris and Steve-O petting and hugging the “fearsome” nurse shark. Luckily Steve-O did manage to dry hump* one of them prior to the incident, so the segment was still seen fit to air.

“But wait,” you say, “there is a shark bite in this bit!” Well, nine years have passed since this incident took place, so Tremaine requested the piece be re-cut to properly represent all that transpired below the depths of the sea on this Precambrian day in Wildboyz history.

* Yes, I know, it does sound a bit funny to use the term “dry” when surrounded by wetness, but, as you can see, there was no actual genital-on-dermal-denticle contact (and if there was it probably would’ve ripped the shit out of Steve-O’s ball bag).

(Music by HDR)

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