jackassworld

I’m a little confused as to which way to erect my tent pole today, seeing as the next episode of Nitro Circus takes place in Utah. Normally I will try to play off a specific stunt, locale, or cultural stereotype from the area, but shit (butt shit!), we never attempted anything near to what they’re doing in this upcoming episode, nor did we come anywhere close to Utah while filming for jackass, thereby rendering any good polygamist pranks pointless. So instead of the woefully obvious, I suppose I’ll have to pull something rather obscure out of my trivia-burdened ass … something like the “Beekini.”

How in Jumpin’ Jehovah’s name could Johnny Knoxville’s bee-covered junk relate to anything in Utah? Well, if you’ve ever taken a drive through the Mormon ‘hood, you’ll notice a certain beehive-like icon on most all of the official state highway signage. What, huh, why? Well, I guess it has something to do with the honey bee becoming the state insect of Utah in 1983. Kind of funny, if you think about it, since honey bees live in matriarchal colonies where hundreds and thousands of males service one female—a scenario that runs quite the contrary to traditional Mormon matrimonial doctrine. (It’s like Mel Brooks said in History of the World Part One: “It’s good to be the king!”) Mormons are also said to wear magic underpants, and the fact that Knoxville walked away from this whimsical little stunt without a single sting to his pecker or buttocks leads me to believe that he, too, had some kind of magical underwear going in his favor this day.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Culver City, CA; 2000)

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