jackassworld

Sorry if I got your hopes up with that title there, but no, Wolfie will not be guest-starring on tomorrow night’s episode of Nitro Circus on MTV. However, what you will bear witness to, are incredible flipping feats of mind, body, and machine. (more…)

So my brother-in-law has a colostomy bag, which is basically your intestine sticking out from your abdomen where poop is discharged into a bag. He needs to change his bag once a week and obviously he can’t do it himself so I HELP him. It’s a bit painful, so I try to crack “shitty” jokes to keep his mind occupied as I change his bag. Well, he laughed a bit too much and poop just started to flow like a soft serve machine! Keep in mind he has no control nor can he feel it! He kept saying, “I don’t know how to make my shit stop!” This made both of us laugh EVEN MORE which created EVEN MORE poop! I had to wait until he was done before adding the new bag, so just when we thought that he was done, poop started to flow again except this time I asked him to take a picture! So attached is a picture of his open poop area in action! (more…)

“exactly how much are you hanging out with dimitry? i’m concerned for your well being.”
—sean cliver to lauren graham, upon overhearing she’d been hanging out with him recently

“is that dimitry or mario from mario brothers?”
—joyjoy, a community member, regarding dimitry’s current look

“since when did dimitry adopt the ’70s porno producer look?”
—nyte, a community member, regarding dimitry’s current look

(more…)

Have you ever caught yourself on the freeway staring at the car ahead of you and wondering how the auto manufacturer came up with such a cool and catchy name? Take the Acura Integra, for instance. It’s a simple deduction in vocabularic arithmetic: INTEGRAL - L = INTEGRA. How great was this in terms of marketing? (more…)

There are legends in skateboarding and then there is Mark Gonzales. To attempt to describe him would do no justice, but for the sake of those who may be entirely in the dark as to who he is and what he has done since first stepping on a skateboard in the early ’80s, let’s just say he is to skateboarding what Willy Wonka is to candy production facilities. But the “skate wheel,” now that’s something I can describe. (more…)

As some of you already know, back in January of this year Hisao Shinagawa’s guitar was crushed under a fruit crate after performing at the Hollywood Farmer’s Market. As some of you may also know, that particular Martin 0-18 acoustic guitar was given to him 28 years earlier by his friend and Texas song-writing legend  Townes Van Zandt. It’s bad enough it was Hisao’s only one, but to have it given to you by a close friend makes it doubly heartbreaking. That the friend was none other than Townes Van Zandt makes it damn near tragic. Hisao didn’t see it that way, though. Of course he was saddened by the incident, but he said he was just appreciative for the music he got to make with it. He also commented that he looked forward to the good that would come from such a trying episode. All I can say is Hisao is a better man than me, because I almost started crying when I heard what happened and it’s not even my goddamn guitar. (more…)

This Sunday, March 1st, you will see grown adults mount and ride big wheels downhill at a high speed on the latest episode of Nitro Circus, where the stunty escapades return to the backwoods of Marypastranaland. (more…)

Fascinated with this daily spectacle was none other than former editor-at-large Dave Carnie. I guess his parking spot was near to this vehicle, and he would lumber into the office every day ranting about the ongoings inside the maroon car known as “bum car.” Some believed that the car jimmied itself into the lot every day through an opening in the fence. Everyone believed that they were straight from a David Lynch movie, cigarettes dangling, there they sat, the entire day; every day. According to my inquisition with the parking lot attendant, they simply paid to park there. Still, it was straight from a David Lynch movie and now it is known to all. I don’t think they’re around anymore: the car was on its last leg. Poor dope heads. Hollywood forever. All types. (more…)

Good Afternoon. Yesterday, our fellow co-workers, our way of life, our very freedom to construct a harmless organic bathroom mural came under a deliberate and destructive terrorist act. Yes, we are saddened to report that on 2-25—a date which will live in infamy—an unknown terrorist entered the men’s bathroom here in the jackassworld offices and dealt a crippling blow to The Great Booger Rainbow. An act made all the more despicable in that it followed on the heels of a long overdue update made on recent developments in the construction of The Great Booger Rainbow. (more…)

We used to have these two guys, Barry Smoler and Knate Gwaltney, that did all of our research on Wildboyz. Knate, for example, was the one who discovered the nudist colony in Slidell, Louisiana. Barry … I’m still not sure what Barry can be held responsible for, aside from maybe offending a lot of the people we worked with. Anyway, part of their job description as “Field Producers” involved following up on the fruits of their flora, fauna, and cultural research with “fixers” in each specific country visited by the Wildboyz production. (more…)