jackassworld

Since we’re all about celebrating the super American version of stadium football this weekend, let’s take a look at the bastardized sport of rugby over in yon United Kingdom. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe this game originated after a raucous night in a local Sherwood Forest sports pub after watching American football on the satellite telly, right? Twenty pissed dudes stumbling out of the pub and onto the moors, huddling up and leaning on each other for support, slurring out words like “ruck” and “scrum” while mauling some poor bloke caught holding a ball … surely this is how the sports of kings and queens come to be in this world.

As a wee laddie in the ’70s, I remember playing a backyard game called “Smear the Queer” that wasn’t all too dissimilar from rugby in most respects. At the time, I don’t believe the word “queer” had taken on quite the connotation that it has today (and even if it had we were still just kids who had no idea what wieners could potentially be used for: hetero, homo, or otherwise), but that’s what happens when good words fall into the hands of bad people.

Shit, I bet the word “fuck” was even of entirely innocuous proportions in the BC time period. In fact, I’d go so far as to wage a biblical guess that it didn’t enter the annals of blacklisted words until Moses came stumbling down off that mountain long, long ago and dropped the third stone tablet of commandments, thus rendering numbers 11-to-15 null and void for eternity. God, in a fit of rage, probably decried Moses’ blunder with a thundering “Fuck!” forever damning the word to illicit usages for the duration of all mankind. Good job, Moses!

Anyway, me, I’ve always applauded those who stick to their OG guns. Like the state of Hawaii, for instance, which still proudly declares itself as the Land of Rainbows. The same goes for the isle of Ireland, the Land of Oz, and, perhaps even more so, the United States Navy. Did this nautical branch of the armed forces muster up and change their name in a huff just because the Village People picked up on its seamen vibe? Hell no! They still fly the Naval flag proudly at full mast. But speaking of sailors… you really have to give it to Chris Pontius. Can you even begin to imagine walking a mile (let alone ten-feet) in his shoes here? The poor old sod looks as if he’d landed in this bit face first after being bowled over by a super wave of booze the night before.

more jackass:

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	watch: jackass unseen video archive