jackassworld

As declared in its prominent disclaimer that no one bothers to read, e.g. lab monkey, we make no promises or guarantees when it comes to what may be seen on our 24-hour live web cam here in the office. We’re working stiffs, just like everyone else mired in the 9-to-5 world, so we’re prone to long spells of, well, “working,” for lack of a better word. However, every once in a while something does happen in our office, like a special guest or sporadic on the fly whim, and it’s purely luck of the draw if you happen to be online or not when these instances arise. But if you did happen to miss something this week, here’s a half-assed recap of the events.

On Tuesday night, long after “formal” working hours, Crash and Kosick hosted an impromptu “talkie” and chit-chatted with each other and the community about jackassworld, Nitro Circus, music, and life in inaugural America. This went on for almost two hours, during which the viewership numbers spiked to 214, rivaling some of our best “ratings” on the jackassworld live show. The next day, Steve-O was in the office and sat down to fling words back and forth with the community for a couple minutes. Here’s what he had to say…

“So how many of you guys are part of my MySpace army?”

“I have to say, I really put some wild shit on there back in the day. And not even back that far. Holy crap, did I ever fall apart on the Internet…”

“I’m really showing off my typing skills over here. I wanna see some typing going on. What’s up with all these short, tiny messages. Let’s all write big long paragraphs. One day, let’s see, which day do I want to tell you guys about. Yeah, this one day I was going to have anal sex with this chick, I stuck my finger in her butt and felt a piece of poo… Man, that bummed me out, well, it didn’t bum me out, it grossed me out. I never talked to that chick again. Ladies, if you are planning on having anal sex with someone like me, make sure you take a good dump before you get into the sack, and if you don’t want to have anal sex, or you forgot to take a big dump before you got in the sack, try everything in your power to keep all fingers out of your butt, because dudes like me get really weirded out by stuff like that…”

“This is really helping me out today. There are a whole lot of people out there who think that, since I got clean and sober, that I “lost my mojo.” It’s like they think I needed to get drunk and do drugs to be funny. Oh boy are they wrong! Woohoo! I think chunks of poo that are in girls’ butts are funny…. STILL!!!”

“I think I’ve mentioned this before, but, dudes, I have to tell you that the ladies don’t really love the way our balls smell like we do. Yup, nope, we love the smell of our fingers after we scratch our nutsacks, but that is not a smell that women appreciate. You see, I know this firsthand. One time, this chick was giving me a blow job and she stopped to tell me, “I can’t do this. It just smells too bad.” I had been performing in the circus at the flea market for a number of days in a row without showering, or cleaning my ballbag. This chick had had enough of the smell of my sweaty balls. Of course I was a gentleman about the situation, I jumped right up and hopped into her shower, rinsed off my balls and got right back into her bed—sopping wet, ready for her to finish off my hummer. I probably still had the same boner and everything. I’m just a regular guy, I love blow jobs, and the smell of my stinky nuts. Women, however, do not love the smell of our stinky nuts, so, guys, do your lady (or the slut that you are going to be trying to bone tonight) a favor. Clean your sweaty nuts. Love you all, Steve-O”

Then on Thursday, following much to do in the community about the suspected “evilness” of a certain white chair, we splurged on a set of candles and went to satanic town in the office. Nothing was sacred, not even Tam O’Clannie, whose soul we sold to the Devil Cock chair for an as of yet undisclosed purpose. Rest assured, Tam, it was for the greater good. Or evil. All depends how you look at it, I guess. Of course, shouting at the devil does have its repercussions. Sure enough, later that day—but long after Johnny Knoxville went on live with sound for a few minutes—our feed got all fucked and then hell broke loose with the “comment” feature. I’m pretty sure widgets were involved (wiccan midgets), but we’ve since resolved the problem. If you’re having any further technical issues, please contact our site administrator, Kim Jong Il. He’ll be more than happy to help you, or at the very least make you “disappear” for important indoctrination purposes.