jackassworld

One day, Derek realized that he had the perfect office set-up for ambushing someone with a Silly String™ blast. People constantly drift in and out of his office to talk on a daily basis and they almost always sit on the couch directly in front of his desk. It’s a comfort zone, you could say, and the last place you would ever imagine getting fucked with.

From there it was just a waiting game. Derek’s preferred victims were either Johnny Knoxville or Jeff Tremaine, but they’ve both been so busy with Nitro Circus and all their other Dickhouse pet projects that they don’t brighten the mouth of our cave quite so much as they used to. This left the standard office personnel, most of whom drop their guard to a “green level” when the terrible twosome is occupied elsewhere (unless Dimitry is around, in which case it’s generally elevated to “blue”).

Now what you have to understand is that for Derek to do this, he has to physically turn on and place a small Flip camera up on this bookshelf behind him all the while he is engaging his soon-to-be victim. In this particular instance, Dave Carnie didn’t bat an eye at any of these suspect motions. Nor did he so much as blink when Derek started fingering the canister of Silly String™ that he always kept at the ready right up front on his desktop. Un-fucking-believable. Of course I almost blew the whole operation, because I knew what was about to happen and could scarcely contain my laughter up until Derek blew a wad directly into Carnie’s beard—a full on facial if there ever was one.

The weirdest thing is that Carnie didn’t fly into a rage after getting hosed down, which only makes me wonder what Chinese factory produced the can of Irrational Fits of Rage String™ that sent Rick Kosick over the edge and into that famously furious abyss and why the hell can’t we get more of that particular brand?!