jackassworld

First, I would like to not offer up an apology for the lack of a news post last weekend. Seth tried his best to guilt me into feeling something for not doing anything of the sort, but I’m not particularly one for feeling anything anyway. Besides, I was waiting for further clarity on a very important development here in the jackassworld office. What could it be, you ask? Well, since you’ve asked, Dave Carnie, Rick Kosick, and I are proud to announce that we’ve begun preliminary work on a skatepark/track here in the office.

Mike G., against his better wishes (and with the utmost of negativity, I should add), supplied us with two rolls of blue masking tape that we’ve since spooled out around the office floor in a drunken spiderweb of lines to indicate all the transitions, banks, berms, and flat bottoms. Others who currently (and violently) oppose this awesome project include Derek and Wolfie, the former who firmly believes “it’s not happening” and the latter who is particularly incensed by the fact we have a quarter-pipe mapped out that runs directly behind his desk and up the wall (he will need to move his bookcase). What Wolfie, Derek, and Mike G. don’t understand, though, is that we have The Emperor, a/k/a Jeff Tremaine, squatting in our corner, and he is only becoming more and more annoyed by the fact that we haven’t yet “broken ground” on the construction of the park.

If you would like to become an esteemed charitable donor to the building of our office skatepark/track—with pump bumps!—please send your dollars (no Canadian funny money) to: THE JACKASSWORLD.COM SKATEPARK SUPER FUND, 7510 Sunset Blvd. #600, Los Angeles, CA, 90046. If, for whatever reason, Wolfie is successful in cockblocking our park, we will use your donations to purchase a black market walrus for the office instead (which will, of course, be housed directly behind Wolfie’s desk).

In a bizarre connection incident this morning, Wolfie and I both attempted to log onto the site upon arriving to work only to be greeted by an entirely BLUE screen that proclaimed the site we were attempting to load had been blocked for “pornography” reasons. How exciting! Minutes later this message disappeared and it was jackassworld business as usual, but further research into how this may have happened has revealed that we are indeed classified as a “pornographic” website by certain Internet properties. How exciting!

What else happened this week? Well, if you tuned into jackassworld live on Wednesday, you had the exclusive opportunity to see Kosick, Seth, Wolfie, and myself bickering amid banter of a neither here nor there nature (although the re-run of an earlier show from March with Carnie on the keyboard had most viewers amusingly baffled for the first five minutes or so). This did eventually lead up to the premiere of the third jackassworld road trip installment, so at least there was some pot of ear-splitting gold at the end of the uneventful rainbow. We did, however, also issue the offhand challenge to community members to dress up as Wolfie for Halloween and upload their costumed shots. So whether you’re a denim demon or a chest-pelted furball at heart, let’s see what your trick-or-treating ass can muster. By the way, Kosick is claiming next week’s show to be of an overall Halloween-theme, so here’s a sneak preview of Seth’s costume (courtesy of Emma):

When it comes to seeing the forest through the trees here at jackassworld, we’ve got a number of major developments in store for the coming months—expanded merchandise, downloadable applications, custom canoe paddles, full-blown TV exposure, and something pertaining to the word “robust,” which always reminds me of a good Russ Meyer movie—but in terms of immediate trees we’ll have an all new episode of The Preston Lacy Show this Saturday, and on Sunday, for all you DVD Easter egg-hunting failures in life, the Wildboyz “Anatomy of a G-String” special, starring Manny Puig. Along with quotes and all the other usual bullshit, of course.

(Special thanks to Vanessa for her timely holiday rendition of jackassworld’s resident zombie.)