jackassworld

This is one of those things that will no doubt annoy Mister Afternoon Jr., but so it goes with the sporadically dripping historical penis of Big Brother magazine. Today has, by complete coincidence (that’s right, a “plate of shrimp” for all you Repo-philes), become all about Big Brother, so no sense shitting on the theme with something of an altogether entirely different nature.

That said, and without further ado, I’m happy to present the official Jesus H. Christ trading card from the fifth issue of Big Brother in 1993. We were all about the gimmicks then (we had yet to shoot our budgetary wad with the cereal box), so we whipped out a series of 36 cards that were divided up into sets of 12 and packaged with the magazine. The cards featured anyone from Tony Hawk to Danzig and Shannen Doherty, with accompanying stats and bios on the backside. For instance, on the back of Rick Kosick’s card it reads: “Nicknames - ‘Skinny’ and ‘Porno King.’ Official photographer for Poweredge, Slap, and now, Big Brother. While his ultimate dream girl is Sade, Rick does not subject prospective female companions to such high standards. Rick says he’s not into faces just as long as they’ve got a good body. Rick lives with his mother in the white wonderland, Orange County.” He probably won’t be pleased with that now, but hey, it’s history and it exists. Just like the head of Tim Gavin’s penis that appears on the backside of his card, or all that other embarrassing crap they’ve got on display at the Smithsonian. At some point we plan to put the whole set up here online, but until that day arrives just know that you have a friend in Jesus.