jackassworld

A while back some people from the WWE called us up and invited us to a wrestling match that was coming to town. Since it was going to be held in LA, they wanted to get as many A-List Hollywood stars as possible in attendance. I don’t know how far down the list they got before our names came up, but we were excited to go and even more excited when they said we could get into the ring. Originally, it was planned that sometime during the evening, the announcer would introduce Steve-O and myself to the audience and we would climb into into the ring and probably say some silly stuff, etc. We weren’t going to be wrestling or doing anything physical, no matter how much we knew that being in the ring would put us in the mood to kick some serious ass.

Later that night, in between matches, the time came for us to get into the ring. The arena was filled to capacity with screaming fans. There were fireworks exploding and rock ‘n’ roll blasting from giant speakers. It felt like being at an AC/DC concert. After a few moments in the ring, some guy with a Cuban accent came walking out, talking trash into a microphone that I assumed he had stolen. He started taunting us in the way that many have done in the past, challenging us to see how crazy we really are. I figured that he was just some yahoo that had snuck past security, but it turned out he was the manager of the Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga.

Then Umaga came out. The 360-pound Samoan looked pretty scary, but luckily I had my bro Steve-O with me and if you add up both of our weights combined we were just as big as him. It seemed like a pretty even match. Plus, we had twice as many arms, legs, and penises as him! Stepping into the ring with the Wildboyz would be the last thing that foolhardy savage would ever do! Umaga—prepare to die!

Unfortunately, as you can see from the footage, the match didn’t really turn out the way we would have liked it to. He beat the hell out of us! Still, we had a great time and now that we know his strategy, if there ever was a rematch, you can bet that it would be curtains for the Samoan Bulldozer!

—Chris Pontius