jackassworld

What’s new in the redundant world of jackassworld? Fleas. Yes, apparently it’s not bad enough that we have to breathe asbestos-laced air from a bipolar air conditioning system in a windowless sub-basement warren; we now have to deal with an infestation of bloodsucking vermin as well. Earl Parker was the first to point out the influx of fleas—in the office he shares with Chris Pontius, of all places, although as of yet this factual information has no concrete bearing on anything whatsoever—but they’ve since spread to all other solitary confinement boxes in the office. So who knows, maybe there is a god after all and he’s only now just caught wind of us. Sure took him long enough. Anyway, now we’re just waiting on the locust cloud to move in and wipe out our meager batch of craft service offerings. C’est la vie, as the French-Canadians would say, which I think is a fancy way of saying, “Suck it,” and if it’s not, well then it goddamn should be.

Should I sound more than a bit bitter about this place we’ve called home almost a year now, it’s only because we’ve just returned from the first official jackassworld road trip. That’s right, we grabbed Wee Man, Chris Pontius, Preston Lacy, Dave England, and Ehren McGhehey and hit the highways of California with the classic carefree motives of skateboarding and fun in mind (well, that and a visit to Steve-O’s). The entire road trip log can be found here—filled with photos, daily journal-like entries, and personal accounts from the cast, but certainly not any of the nightly live webcasts to protect the innocent or guilty parties—but Rick Kosick is currently in the process of cutting the resulting mess of video footage, the likes of which we’ll parcel out in neat, tidy, digestible chunks (soon, I swear, unlike Dimitry’s recent Gumball 3000 footage).

Moving on from petty office diatribes, we have an all new “One Bourbon, One Scotch, and One Beer” with Johnny Knoxville and the WWE’s Great Khali, a 7’ 3” wrestling giant from Punjab, India. I’ve never much followed the world of professional wrestling, but had always assumed they had more of a sense of humor about what they did and/or themselves. I was wrong. So this installment of Knoxville’s homespun talk show is a bit shorter than the rest, even though it stood to dwarf them in all other aspects. Other new stuff around the bend may or may not include a tour of Earl Parker’s Hollywood apartment, close familial encounters with Knoxville in Tennessee, a Dave Carnie interview with the beautiful loser Aaron Rose, and another descent into the delightfully depraved and butt-plugged corners of the fetish world with Mr. Merlin.

Last but not least, in addition to saying congratulations once again to our former co-worker Mark Swenson on his recent marriage, I shall leave you with this famous cinematic quotation:

“It’s like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black.”
—Nigel Tufnel, Spinal Tap (1984)

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2008)