jackassworld

Part 1:

Part 2:

Okay, so that sounds somewhat sensationalistic, but what better way to celebrate jackassworld live going on the road for breaking news than by getting all tabloid and shit. And the truth is, Wolfie was on drugs. So we really aren’t pulling any Fox News crap here. Granted, he was only popping Hydrocodone, the generic equivalent to Vicodin, but that’s the best his jackassworld health insurance could get. No good stuff for Wolfie! What really sucks, though, is that he’s back in the office now and kind of crabbier than he was pre-surgery. My guess is that this grumpiness stems from the severely constipating effects of Hydrocodone, having already done my post-operative stint on the very same drug. God, that shit fucked up my shit for a good couple weeks…

Anyway, in Part 1, prepare yourself for a startlingly close close-up on Jeff Tremaine’s face. But this is a good thing, because if it wasn’t for Jeff we never would’ve bulldogged our way past Mrs. Wolf to let us near her husband. (Earlier in the day Wolfie told Kosick that no way in hell he wanted us over there doing a live broadcast—mostly, I guess, because he was having trouble getting a shirt on and didn’t want to be seen topless with his shorn pelt.) So just sit back and watch Jeff work his magic. He really is one of the best.

In Part 2, Kosick and Wolfie revisit the scene of the breakfast cereal mishap that lead up to this whole shoulder operation in the first place. And, as medical fate would have it, Wolfie was given some footage from the procedure, which we’ve freshly inserted here. It is rather trippy, though, and looks more like the titanium steel dick of a Schwarzenegger-era Terminator piston-fucking a giant squid. Especially with the accompanying zippy music score.