jackassworld

I was at a party the other night and after some drinks, people started getting hungry. “Let’s order a pizza!” someone suggested. Nobody went, “Yay!” or high fived, but that was the general mood. Pizza is perfect when you’re drunk. It’s cheap, it fills you up and someone brings it to you. The dude calling the pizza place asked if pepperoni was cool? Yes, that was cool. Everyone was fine with that. Except for a handful of vegetarians who grumbled at the idea. We were like, you can just pick em off. They claimed that even when you picked the meat off, the spirit of the meat remained. Or something. So somebody said, how about half pepperoni, and half cheese? Again they claimed that the meat infects the entire pie, even the parts it’s not touching. They wanted a vegetarian pizza or nothing. Which was fine, but the majority of us at the party wanted pepperoni and there weren’t enough vegetarians to order another whole pizza. Like most vegetarians, they were being unnecessarily difficult. Which most of us found rather rude. So at that point we all just said, fuck off. Suit yourself.

Then the vegetarians did a very strange thing. They told us to fuck off. They said they were going to a different party on the other side of town where they were serving a baked ham. We were like, “What? You don’t even know those people?” One of them claimed to kind of know one of the dudes that lived in the house. And they said, “Fuck your pizza, we’re going to go get some ham!” But you just said you were vegetarian and you wouldn’t even eat a pizza with a little pepperoni on it, but now you’re going to gobble up some baked ham? That doesn’t make sense. “It makes perfect sense,” they said, “you wouldn’t give us the vegetarian pizza we wanted, so now we’re going to another party and we’re going to eat baked ham. It has cloves in the skin and a pineapple wedge on top.” So the vegetarians left and went to the other party and ate baked ham.