jackassworld

You remember growing up when people would pinch your snotty little schnozz and go,”I got your nose”? You would jump up and down trying to get it back, but you knew that no one actually had your nose. It was all just playful nose stealin’ fun. Well in some parts of west Africa the same thing is kinda happening with penises, except it ain’t all just playful penis stealin’ fun. It’s serious… sorta. According to Reuters, “Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.” That’s right, witches are stealing dicks. Shrinking them too!

In Benin five people were killed in one week by vigilantes who accused them of using magic to steal men’s penises. Hubba hubba, no one’s penis is even leaving anyone’s body. It’s not like a guy is going up to someone on the street and hacking his tallywhacker off with a machete. It’s not even Siegfried and Roy using sleight of hand to make’s someone’s penis SEEM to disappear (although I’ve heard they have made many disappear in their time… if only for a little while). No, it’s some guy pointing at another guy in the street, and yelling to all within earshot, “He stole my peepee!”

Most of the time they don’t even check to see if the peepee is missing, they just start killing the accused and quick. Burnings, lynchings, hacking them to death with machetes, whatever tickles the mob’s fancy at that moment is how the “sorcerers” are disposed of. On some occasions the “magician” is led into the police station by the accused, and the police demand to see the “evidence.” In every instance the “evidence” amazingly turns up (unless your name is John Wayne Bobbit) and the police dismiss the case. But not before the accuser goes, “Well he may not have stolen it, but he shrunk it!!!” Ha ha ha!… not kidding, this is going on in Africa right now. I am including a few articles on it below to show you I couldn’t make this shit up. And to further entertain and incite you, me, Carnie and Pontius have included a very dramatic re-enactment to accompany this piece.

Shit and howdy, Knoxville

http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSL2290323220080422?sp=true
http://harpers.org/archive/2008/06/0082063