jackassworld

In scheduling theory this news column is supposed to go up every Friday afternoon, but due to technical difficulties that prevented us from posting any videos this past Wednesday and Thursday it was pushed up into Sunday’s shit so as not to interfere with the “Who’s Fatter Contest” with Steve-O and Danger Ehren, Dave Carnie’s “Mumbling Elk” infomercial, and Knoxville’s farting antics outside a chichi West Hollywood restaurant.

Topping the stories this week is Greg Wolf. As many of you know, Wolfie narrowly escaped the great 5.4 earthquake of 7/29, but that bitch fate went and tracked his meaty ass down and whupped him good on Friday morning, when he allegedly dislocated his shoulder while eating his breakfast cereal (as seen in the X-ray above). This isn’t the first time Wolfie has separated himself from his arm. While mourning his absence from the office on Friday, the jackassworld staff fondly recalled two other dislocated escapades of Wolfie’s in jackass/Wildboyz history—the first of which occurred in his sleep, I shit you not. The second incident happened a few years ago after a hard night of drinking. Apparently Wolfie was lying in bed all by his lonesome when he suddenly had the uncontrollable urge to vomit all that booze he’d ingested. Hopping out of bed, he charged the bathroom to make a porcelain lay-up, but first slipped on the bath mat and wiped out on the floor, popping his shoulder out in the manic process (to his credit he was still able to reset the arm and puke in the bowl and nowhere but the bowl). Look for a full exposé on the traumatic event this week, but in the meantime please stop by his profile and let him know you care, or at least say a special “Awoooo!” for him tonight in your bedtime prayers.

In this week’s edition of jackassworld live, Rick Kosick made the best out of his guestless existence by hosting another clip show. Danger Ehren’s “Jox,” the never-before-seen footage of Preston Lacy and Wee Man as dueling Oompa Loompas from 2001, and a video compilation of assorted “Awoooooos!” from all facets of the jackassworld were debuted (and, due to popular demand, not talked over). Aside from the clips, he reviewed the “Danger Ehren” arts and crafts activity, where community members had their way with a full body shot of him in his underpants, briefly spoke with Phil Margera on the phone, and periodically critiqued Wolfie’s lackadaisical manner of manning a camera (he was standing in for usual jackassworld live operator Mike G., who was busy assisting Dimitry and could not be bothered to join us for an hour in the jackassworld sweat lodge). Next week, we hope to have Lauren Graham on the show, the filmmaker behind the Whiskey documentary and the “Mr. Brainwash” art review posted on jackassworld last Tuesday, and premiere her latest art review video.

With regard to the unofficial jackassworld liberation front, Deborah and Camden Town Katie created panic in the streets of London last weekend when they stuck our propaganda all over the bloody scenic place. The Queen should be very pleased with these two birds indeed. Incidentally, many of you have since asked for an update in the “Save jackassworld” campaign, and we’re happy to report that our venture is currently listed in stable condition. You guys have done an awesome job on spreading the word in the best guerrilla way possible and we’re now almost 30,000 members strong with a site-wide revamp on the way in the coming months (no, this has nothing to do with those Flux updates that have yet to surprise buttflux us in the night…). However, while we’re out of the woods we’re still not exactly out of the forest, so keep on keepin’ on in the fun lovin’, grassrootin’ promotional spirit. Remember, this site is as much for and about you as it is us (with a nod of the head to the heads behind last week’s “saggyballs”); we’re just happy to be able to operate this here island of misfit toys for all to seek silly refuge upon.