jackassworld

Big Brother readers will remember my cat Gary. Well Gary got hit by a car Friday night. We think. Whatever it was, it fucked him up pretty good. This photo was shot on the way home from the vet, so he’s a little more cleaned up. His wound is to the left of his nose. It was pretty gross. And if you look closely, like at the tip of his tongue, you can see where his four front teeth used to be. Gary’s no fun in the car. His mouth is open the whole time, making that weird cat face. We call him our GPS: Gary Positioning System. He just says, “NO…NO… NO… NO… NO…” over and over again. “What exit do we get off of Gary?” “NO!” But the point is he’s not dead and he appears to be recovering nicely.

I woke up late Saturday and while I was feeding Beckett, I realized I hadn’t seen Gary. He has a little routine, and he’s the first to be fed. “Where is he?” I went back to my office, which is also Gary’s office, and there he was face down on the couch with blood all over his face and covered in ants. “OH SHIT!” I yelled. It was a grizzly scene. And the ants made it even worse. They were all over and in his wound. Very David Lynch-ian.

I thought at first that he got fucked up by a coyote or a raccoon or something. But at the vet’s office, I wondered, “Maybe he got hit by a car?” The vet seemed to the think the same thing because it was obvious he had suffered a pretty major head trauma. He walked like a drunk. Which was really sad at first, but in hindsight “Li’l Bobby Wobbles” was pretty funny. I even said, “I wouldn’t mind if he stayed like this. He’s much more entertaining.”

The vet wanted to keep him for observation, but they also offered to let us take him home. Gary’s pretty resilient and, while he’s never been hit by a car, he’s always seemed to recover well from injury. So we took him home and while the little punch drunk motherscratcher stumbled around the office, he did manage to gulp down some food right off the bat. A good sign. It’s Monday and he wanted out this morning. He didn’t seem as wobbly. So I think he’s definitely on the mend. And now he’s in Nieratko and I’s special “I Got Hit By A Car” Club. Membership is free and anyone is welcome. The only requirement is that you suffered a major injury after being struck by a vehicle. Welcome to the club Gary!