jackassworld

Humans are, without a doubt, some of the most dangerous and fucked-up animals in the world, but monkeys and apes run a really close second. Most people would never consider the simian crowd to be of such an extremely deadly nature, but that’s only because they are so damn deceptively cute. For example, take the great white shark. Those aren’t cute. Nobody wants to cuddle or get snuggy with one (well, that’s not entirely true…Manny is chomping at the bit to get extremely touchy-feely with one in open waters), but everyone loves a monkey, even those burly gross fuckers with the angry red butt welts that you see lazing about in posh zoo habitats. But, as mankind learned with the tragic true life story of Moe, Buddy, Ollie, and the birthday party gone ferociously awry, these animals will rip your tits off in seconds flat and have two more appendages coming loose before you even realized what was being ripped from where.

Orangutans naturally fall into this “deadlier than you think” category, but for as scarily strong as these fuzzy orange bastards are, what’s actually worse, far worse, is the stench of their poo. This bit could’ve easily been on an episode of Wildboyz—cute animals and poo-flinging are pretty much a no-brainer when it comes to Dickhouse entertainment value—but it simply got bumped off the Indonesian show grids by a surplus of other orangutan oriented segments.