jackassworld

Have you ever gone through a nude phase in your life? You know, where you just liked to feel the breeze whiffling (or miffling, depending upon which side of the genital fence you pee) past your junk? I went through a brief stint of the naked sort somewhere around 1995, right around the time I started drinking for sociological purposes. The two go hand-in-hand, I suppose, and it didn’t hurt that I was living close to the beach where the nightly inebriated stumble home was done right next to the surf and sand. But, unlike Chris Pontius, I never gained any serious acclaim or notoriety in the nude department. Not too surprising, seeing as I’m not exactly well endowed (a physical condition that doesn’t really lend itself to cool parlor tricks like Chris’s “dick watch”), nor do I have the Plastic Man elasticity of this guy’s circus-like goods. Regardless, I still enjoy a nice freeball from time to time, although these days my more public moments are of the predominantly shirtless variety.

By the way, if you ever find yourself in a potentially funny scenario, or see an opportunity for some good ole buffoonery, first ask yourself this: “Would this be funnier naked?” (Or, if it helps, just imagine Jeff Tremaine suggesting this to you while he sits off to the side “directing” your folly.) Chances are the answer will be yes.