n!kka please, by clyde singleton
I’d like to announce, once again, that bigbrotherskateboarding.com is coming soon. We’re working hard on making sure that when it launches it’s a full and functioning website with lots of content. We don’t want to open the restaurant before we’ve finished stocking the kitchen. We kind of need to finish building the kitchen, actually. And the dining room. One of the people we’ve brought in to help is our old friend and pro skater, Clyde Singleton. Clyde was one of the most popular writers and personalities in Big Brother. —Carnie
First off. I’d written this article ’bout 2 weeks ago, while “vacationing” in Florida. Nikkas had it all typed up, then fukk’t around ‘n fell asleep with weed in my hand. I forgot to save the file and when I woke up, my computer was dead. Then my manager called. Stressed me out some more. Wham! Computer gets smash’t. Did i mention I missed my plane(s) also. Yup. Three, in four days. Now if that whole episode don’t deserve a “N!kka please,” I ‘ont know what does. Here’s a few more examples of “N!kka Please’isms” I conjured up on my new laptop. Yup. Got another G4, already. $250. What? You think you can find one that cheap? N!kka, please!
The Nigger of Narcissus, by Joseph Conrad
Before we even get into this, who the fukks ever heard of a black pirate? Y’all are kiddin’ me, right? The thought of another brother walking around a boat lookin’ like something between Captain Crunch, and Prince. Even these days. I ‘ont think too many black folks (besides Oprah, and Diddy) even own boats. First off. N!kkas ain’t trying to get they good clothes wet. And furthermore, you can’t put no rims on no fukkin’ boat! Back to the book. This particular novel’s about this n!kka named James Wait. For some reason, ole James got on a merchant boat called the “Narcissus” with a bunch of racist whyte dudes. Nothing big. Just a nice li’l 19th century trip from Bombay to London, y’know. Along the way, James seems to have become stricken with Tuberculosis, and next thing you know the Captain’s convinced there’s “neg’ruh cooties on board!” Some of his crew’s a bit more sympathetic, though. All in all, not a bad read. Too bad they changed the name of it years later to something ’bout Children of the Sea, or some shyt. Talm bout, nobody don’t wanna buy a book with the word “N!gger” in it. But they’ll drank the water, and eat at the restaraunts that have the sign there, right? Y’all n!kkas crazy. If you wanna read The Nigger of Narcissus, dick this lank.
“Wanna Be a Nigger Too,” Nas
Damn. This n!kka Nas sound type serious on the mic again. Hold up. Did this n!kka just say, “Not mad cuz eminem said n!gger, cuz he my n!gga, wigga, cracka, friend, we all black within?” Bwahahahhaha… Eminem, lawst. Seriously though. What the fokk is wrong with this n!kka, Nas?! This shit’s setting n!kkas back, at least, what? Five MP3s, per listen! I’ve decided, I can’t stand this n!kka Nas. Fa’real. N!kka always speaking his mind! I can’t stand n!kkas like that. Always tryin’ to make n!kkas feel some sort of way when non-n!kkas say n!kka. I personally don’t give a fukk who say it to me, just as long as the n!kka’s black, is alls I’m sayin’. All that other shyt this n!kka Nas talm bout, is only gone have a bunch uh n!kkas fightin’ in the streets. Ok. This review is getting so damn n!ggery, I’m feeling myself slip into a “darkness” of sorts. Yeah n!kka, “that” kinda darkness!
Nigger Babies
Um. All bullshyt aside. I’m from Florida. Born and raised. What the fokk is a “N!gger Baby” orange? They MUST sell this shyt @ Denny’s, or suhn’tin, cause I swear to Gawd I ain’t never in my life heard of no “Nigger Baby” oranges. You? You know any “orange n!kkas?” I ain’t think so. Shyt. I think I just busted opened a whole new Pandora’s Box, of untapped nig’story in the Southern Amerikka. I wonder if your local amusement park sells “Nigger Baby Orange Soda?” Shyt. Orange juice coulda been 100% N!gger Baby Orange Drink this whole time?! This is a travesty, folks. Like finding out the Great Kabuki really didn’t spit that green shyt out his mouth. Shyt was probly backed up, Now ‘N Later juice. I’ll tell y’all what, when I’m done with this article, me and some of my n!kkas gone defi-nig-ly look into this. Ya’dig?
“Women are the Niggers of the World,” John Lennon
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Hold the fokk up. Did he just call his wife a “n!GGer” on live tv?!?! Dayum. Actually, that was gully as fokk! Question-to all my whyte peoples though-why are random whyte people always trying to “explain” to n!kkas worldwide how, and when to use the word n!GGer? They always got their “one black friend” story/ideaology, but ain’t no other n!kkas REALLY co-signing they n!kka’s li’l whatev’s. Look. You don’t see black folks telling whyte folks what cheeses to eat, so they want be marsupial shaped? Or the appropriate amount of times to say “totally” while having a simple conversation? So for the sake of all my n!kkas and n!kkettes worldwide, can y’all puh’lease quit with the niGGer sh!t. ‘Cause y’all explaining it’s like trying to teach a cat to bark in ebonics. I leave you guys with a couple more silly little “race experts” to gather some intel from: Clawfinger (”Nigger”), and Patti Smith (”Rock and Roll Nigger”).
