jackassworld

Here’s a random quickie filmed in a spur of the moment lark for the television show from somewhere around the time our Safety Department went Pol Pot on us. We were driving back into West Chester, PA—probably headed towards the corner of Gay and High—when Bam Margera said to pull over and get the cameras out. We had no idea what the fuck he was gonna do. (more…)

The other night Rick Kosick celebrated his 41st birthday at the Saddleback shitfarm on the famed Sunset Strip of Los Angeles. It took about one “birthday blue” drink (an age-old tradition that dates back to Earl Parker’s 21st birthday, when we took him out, at his request, to Red Lobster for popcorn shrimp) and several other alcoholic bullets before he mounted the mechanical bull, but mount it he did…although not for very long. Here he is moments before the bull forcibly made him get the buck off.

(photo by Sean Cliver; West Hollywood, CA; 2008)

As I walked through Hollywood, I overheard an idea being pitched. As you all know, it likely was a louse. Here at jackassworld we have all the good ideas—see, we are in business, evidently! And we get many girls, so the proof is in the pudding. We would never accept any “random” ideas from city dorks. They don’t have the proper imagination. Sorry, doing a lot of pot won’t help.

Some say that there are motion picture ideas a plenty “just sitting on the beach like conch shells.” Haven’t heard it? Try reading a screenwriting book, or checking out Wordplayer.com. Anyways, while you’re standing awkwardly at Hollywood and Vine, I’ll be busy giving the world free ideas, at only the price that you think I’m cool.

Idea 1
A freight train turns the town quarterback into a red puff. The whole town has to move on and they pick a new one that’s gay. The bleachers only lose a 20 percent population, and the quarterback’s old hot girlfriend becomes a greaser and it’s better anyhow. So the town changed for the better. Moral: sometimes bad things can be good.

Idea 2
A wastoid discovers fruit. For years it was just grilled food and a crap load of illegal drugs. Immediately his closest friends notice and begin to chide him. In act two he looks and feels great and befriends a hippie chick that teaches him the ways of Garcia. One night on the news they see Jerry dies and their hearts and lives separate. The wastoid pathetically tries to get his friends back and they welcome him and then they all blast off on drugs.

Idea 3
A young woman living in Los Angeles decides that the place is evil and moves to the east coast. After a year, she decides that the opposing coast is not the answer when she hears about those in the covered wagons that went to Oregon to start a new life. Over the course of a time-lapsed summer (act two), she traverses the states and then moves into a house, gets a dog and a job, and then ends up back in LA for the ending.

Idea 4
A spin off of this last one: (small ensemble cast) a chick and a dude are having a hard time keeping up with their rent on their NYC and LA apartments. They spend their days roaming the two cities basically just trying to amass currency. In a NYC diner the girl hears the song where they say, “We’re all slaves to money and then we die,” and she gets discouraged. Then we focus on a third character: LA girl, who decides to move to NYC, does so, and then shows up “randomly” at an LA bar one month later. The main characters meet on a flight and decide to settle down together and split the rent in the city where the plane happened to be going. (Art film, shows a slice of society in 2000’s.)

Idea 5
Two men who are at “odds with the world,” work diligently and play the lottery in order to “meet at an island in the South Pacific.” It’s supposed to be a team work show about suffering and prevalence, but it just turns out that they were both in the closet and they “go off” sexually for the majority of act three. Ending: you decide!

On this Memorial Day, I’d like to send a salute out to all the men and women who served to produce one of the greatest war movies of all time, Red Dawn. Released in 1984 at the height of Ronald Reagan, the Cold War, and mutually assured nuclear destruction, Red Dawn captured the spirit of American patriotism like no other movie before and no other movie since (sit on dicks, Michael Bay!). (more…)

Following in the thrashin’ tradition of such legendary skate rock acts as The Faction, Drunk Injuns, and the Big Boys, Chris Pontius gets wild in the streets with his latest song, “Smash Grind City.” In true Pontius fashion, “Smash Grind City” was conceived and written over the span of one night and then recorded the very next day at JxPx Blackmon’s Studebaker Studios. (more…)

Part One:

Part Two:

Simply put, we went all out for Wee Man’s birthday appearance on jackassworld live. We had two cameras to cut and rove with, special effects that might’ve been more “challenged” than “special” in nature (all of which have been done away with here for replay purposes), a birthday cake where some idjit spelled midget wrong, and a big gay birthday placard. In random Q&A with Rick Kosick, Wee Man plows through Part 1 as he discusses the origin of his nickname, random fits of fellow little person bitterness, skateboarding in the South Bay, life with his former roommate Kosick, a not-so-wee phobia, and unfounded internet rumors of a morbid nature. In Part 2, Wee Man opens one nice gift, one shitty gift, and then gets jumped and gang-molested birthday-style by Johnny Knoxville, Loomis Fall, and Dave England.

(photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, CA; 2008)

“i have a department to run.”
—greg wolf, on why he was unable to attend rick kosick’s birthday lunch with everyone else in the office

“i didn’t even know he was doing the film until i read it on perez hilton.”
—dennis meyer, knoxville’s personal assistant, on his upcoming role in john waters’ fruitcake

“it’s not his dick. it’s a cartoon representation of his dick.”
—mike g., our production coordinator, on pricasso’s rendition of dave carnie’s penis

“i skate a lot with my shirt off, so working out has always been important to me.”
—ryan sheckler, as quoted in an interview with men’s fitness

“why are these kids doing this? they should be jerking off and drinking beer.”
—jesse hoy, of the deadly syndrome, while watching the dramas on life of ryan

“it truly was my pleasure to oblige.”
—spike jonze, in response to johnny knoxville’s black eye comments

“josh, could we get the tom of finland book back?”
—jeff tremaine to josh lingenfelter, about the big gay tom of finland art book

“by night. bitch during the day.”
—chris or crash richard, dickhouse production assistant, when mike g. called him a rock star

“my medication isn’t working. it’s causing me to have really shitty sundays.”
—earl parker

“i’m down lifetime.”
—dimitry elyashkevich, after shanna zablow congratulated him on his recent winnings in las vegas

“let’s go get a fuck machine and do all the things you can do with it.”
—jeff tremaine

“i’ve filmed a couple of those too.”
—johnny knoxville, when jeff tremaine said bam margera filmed a new direct-to-dvd special

“how’s that jackassworld website going, lawyers shut that down yet?”
—jimmy kimmel to johnny knoxville

Not only can we not afford a smoke machine, we can’t even get our scheduled guests to come in on time—or make that at all. Okay, so maybe Preston Lacy couldn’t help it (and he did manage to grace the show with his presence on the following week*), but what viewers were left with on this jackassworld live “special” was a tour of our windowless world by Rick Kosick. (more…)

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Pretty crazy experiences can come from answering your phone. Last December, I answered a call from MTV Executive and friend Jeff Yapp. He asked me if I wanted to go visit the troops by spending the night on the USS Nimitz aircraft carrier. I enjoy the honor of visiting the troops and have done it on many occasions, but spending the night on a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier is special. Furthermore, like getting to visit the troops wasn’t enough (Jeff and I both knew it was), he told me the military might even let me drive the ship and launch an aircraft off of the flight deck. “HELL YEAH!” I replied.

You are getting ready to watch what we filmed over those two days on the ship—two days I will never forget. Thank you to Jeff Yapp, thank you to the US Navy, and thank you and all my love to all the soldiers in all our armed forces serving at home and abroad. And of course a very special thanks to all the men and and women serving aboard the USS Nimitz. They are on active duty in an undisclosed but very hostile location. Captain Manazir, on this Memorial Day weekend, I send my love to you and everyone on the Nimitz. Hurry up and get home safe, I want to come drive the ship again. Woo-hoo!

Love, love, love,

Johnny Knoxville United States of America

Standing on the verge of a three-day weekend with Derek, our surrogate dad, out of the office and on an airplane, we’ve pretty much had a fuck all day here at jackassworld (currently, Dimitry and Dave Carnie are attempting to physically measure how far a fart flies out of one’s ass). To compound matters it’s Rick Kosick’s birthday on Sunday, so everyone went to lunch—including Wolfie, thank god, after we finally convinced him that it was okay to leave his department unsupervised—at a local Mexican eatery and gorged on margaritas thanks to the MTV credit card. Thanks guys, you’re the best. (more…)