jackassworld

That’s me in the middle, handcuffed, shirtless, and wearing a child’s white cowboy hat. My daughter and her two friends are beside me, and surrounding us all are four of LA’s finest. What the fuck, right? You see, me, JxPx, and Scott Manning spent all afternoon filling up helium balloons for the backyard. Then we loaded up the BB guns, and when my daughter Madison and her two friends got home from school they had a full on shooting gallery: bang, boom, pop. It was fun, too, until the fuzz showed up.

I’d just stepped back in the house to retrieve some more BBs while the kids cooled off in the pool, when I heard some footfalls upstairs. I assumed this was the kids’ mom coming to get them, so I thought nothing of it. But when I walked out on my back porch, BB gun in hand, I heard, “Police—drop your weapon!” I looked up and there above me on the balcony was a member of the police department with a shotgun aimed straight at my head. Whoops! Filming jackass, I had cops put guns to my head on a few occasions, so this wasn’t foreign to me. It was a little odd, though, seeing how cops were swarming my house—especially with my kid and her friends watching. When I looked up at the cop with my little white cowboy hat replete with rubber band chinstrap, he gave a brief smirk. He could see I was about as harmful as a dizzy mouse, but he never took the shotgun sights off my forehead. He ordered me to throw my “weapon” to the side and get down on my knees. I informed him it was just a BB gun and asked him to please be careful because there were children in the pool. He started telling me the procedure for getting on the ground, “Hands wide, then behind your head, then down to knees…,” and I replied, ”I got it, I got it—I’ve done this plenty of times before.” That prolly wasn’t the greatest thing to tell him, but shit, man, I was nervous.

This whole time my daughter Madison and her two friends are laughing their asses off in the pool, so much that the one of the policemen loudly reprimanded them. I yelled, “For cryin’ out loud, Madison, daddy has a bunch of guns to his head—for once, please behave!” This was met by more giggling. At least they weren’t frightened, though. I believe 99-percent of other kids would have been, but not my little monster. She actually said she thought it was bullshit (not her exact words) and I was pulling a prank on them. Ha ha ha… Anyway, I got on the ground and three more cops stormed out onto my back porch and handcuffed me.

A total of four carloads of cops showed up at my house. One of my neighbors had called in a “shots fired 911 call,” because of the popping balloons. The cops quickly saw what was going on and were completely cool about the whole situation. They paid a little extra attention to the kids to make sure they weren’t freaked out, and thought the whole thing was reasonably funny. They did tell me if I was going to do this type of thing in the future to please let my neighbors know. Ha ha ha… What a day: me, my daughter, and her two buddies getting busted by the man. I like to call this photo, “The Gang Who Couldn’t Poot Straight.”

Love,

Knoxville

P.S. Sorry for the black bars over the eyes, but I don’t think it’s cool showing my daughter’s or her friends’ faces. I also don’t want any more trouble from the cops, as you could imagine. Wahoo!!!