jackassworld

On this Memorial Day, I’d like to send a salute out to all the men and women who served to produce one of the greatest war movies of all time, Red Dawn. Released in 1984 at the height of Ronald Reagan, the Cold War, and mutually assured nuclear destruction, Red Dawn captured the spirit of American patriotism like no other movie before and no other movie since (sit on dicks, Michael Bay!). Youth across the nation rabidly cheered on the scrappy yet handsome school children of a shit-ass Podunk town in Colorado, as they took to the hills guerrilla-style and threw and a red, white, and blue wrench into the invading cogs of a cold, cruel, and austere Soviet military force. And although I’ve long preferred the idea of passing gas to dropping bombs, so powerful was the propaganda here that by god I wanted to tear a bloody new asshole in the iron curtain with my bare fucking hands after they popped Jennifer Grey. The nerve of these commie bastards invading the land of the free, home of the brave, and killing Ferris Bueller’s sister (not to mention putting Harry Dean Stanton in a drive-in internment camp)! I can only imagine how awful school must’ve been for Russian-born immigrant Dimitry Elyashkevich in the weeks to follow the release of this theatrical gorilla. Funny how two decades later he’s the one escorting his American comrades onto Russian soil, where their kick-ass military hardware can now be rented out for high-dollar kicks. WOLVERINES!